Midday activity

N so we went for our midday activity.. Ub cycle ard d void deck.. Zahra n me jus sat chillin.. Njoyin d breeze.. After 45 mins we wen home coz ub have yet to take his shower n his lunch.. Home.. Showered ub.. Fed him his lunch... N Waited for ayah to come back from masjid.. N after all that we took a 3 hr nap.. The whole family ahhah.. Ub might b going to smil's place..i think they mus have miss him very much..he hadn't been to their place for 2 wks already.. I kinda like this sahm role ... N m trying to get in d routine..of having 2 kids.. Mama n nana r always there to help when I needed any..
Zahra n Ub.. Totally diff.. I remember ub.. Can sit his maxi cosi n jus watch me quietly.. Zahra hehe will b gd if she can sit for 10 mins haha but I'm fine.. I'm gettin to know more abt zahra.. Learning more about this fiesty lil gal..day by day.. We'll get along jus fine baby!!

Ub's down

Almost everyone at home is having fever.. Was crossing my fingers that
Ub won't catch it from any of them but it's almost impossible.. We r
all living under one roof.. Ub's so attached to his grandma..so there..

We were on d way to fetch Ub when Tini called n say he's running a
temp 38deg.. Picked him up.. He was still chatty but was very cranky..
Got upset when someone sat on his seat at d gynae's.. We find it's
amusing and laughed.. He went to the side n cried his anger out.. Went
home.. Fed him parac. N he was fine after that.. Running jumping
chatting.. So no cause of worry there..

Sleeptime was easy too.. Mayn coz he's tired.. Hugged him n he went to
sleep.. Zahra slept without much hassle too..I was having some me time
in d kitchen when Nana came n said she checked up in Ub n his temp
Is 39.1.. she helped me sponged him with cold water while I prepared
his meds.. Too dhamol n nurofen.. I hate giving him these meds..
Normally
I prefer him to run abt n sweat it out but impossible this time coz he
was already sleepin n time doesn't permits..
Luckything the Meds did it's work.. Zahra was asleep most of d time
las night = me having a gd night's sleep...sch's out for ub.. Waiting
for zahra to wake up then bringing them down for morning sun...
Wanna let Ub sweat it out.. For now its newspaper time for ibu.. But
feeling a bit sleepy too ahha

My kids

Spending d afternoon wif Zahra on my chest n Ub by my side doodling on
his doodle board making conversations with me.. Njoyin this
moment .... Things going on smoothly.. I'm handling 2 kids at d same
time.. Feelin calm n being myself..syukur alhamdulillah....Sent from my iPhone

Handling ub

Ok after d post .. I stayed positive with ub... Things that he did wrong were addressed positively....

Whenever he did something wrong I'll give him 2 choices he wants me to 1)talk nicely
2)get upset n talk to him angrily... He'll definitely choose 1.. N I'll tell him that he'll get no 2 if he repeats mistake again... So far so gd... I only lose my temper once where I smacked him on d hand.. My bad... I was feeling groggy n having stomach cramps.. Pms:((... But all was gd later..

Moving to other updates.. I had to go thru csect as Zahra is on d big side n I still recuperating .. No pain on d stiches though... It's d tummy thats aching... Like muscle ache.. N having that darn post partum constipation.. No amount of lactus prune juice or orange juice helps.. So I dealt with it d hard way.. Go thru d pain... I'm feeling much much better today... N did some of the things myself.. Showered ub.. Spent time with him while nana looked after Zahra.. Then showered Zahra n Ub helped me..it was all gd.. I think it's a matter of adjusting.. I'm a mother of 2 now so have to multiply everythin by 2.. But I njoying it.. Every bit of it!! Yes!!

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Trying

Ub is very trying these few days.. He was ok d time Zahra came back..
But it got worse this wk.. I tried talkin nicely.. Firmly.. Angrily..
I even resort to threatening (I'm so not proud of this!).. Shouting n
screaming (nt nt proud of this too!) n after doing all this it still
doesn't work.. At the end of it I get angry with myself .. N I feel
sad for ub coz of all d scolding he gets from me... Lost all d
teachable moments that I could have taught him.. Today he sprinkled
100 plus on d television n the hall area.. I screamed.. He went to the
toilet to late n he soiled d floor.. I screamed.. He spit on d toilet
floor.. Something which he nvr did before.. I punished him.. That all
happened in a period of 45mins after he got back home from sch... I
felt miserable after that... Sat aside n reflected on my actions..
Really not proud of it.. From now on I'll blog.. On d things he did..
My actions n how I could make things better..

I must not get angry easily!! Soon I'll have 2 to handle..

I love ub lots .. He's such n intelligent boy.. I shouldn't resort to
all this negative things on him...

I need to undertand n get it that.. He has to divide all d attention
now.. That's y he is behaving like this..

It's so difficult n different when it's happening to ur own child..

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Cranky n clingy

This gal is v cranky n clingy today...




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Lady gaga

Me: abg.. Adik loves lady gaga just like u!

To which he replied

Ub: adik like lady gaga?!! Ok nanti abg belikan Baju senget!!

Me:??!!??

Bored

I'm so so bored... Can't wait to go out!!!
Issit coz of boredom I'm feelin like this??!!


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Milk feeds 11/2/10

2.50am
Cried a bit
Drank her milk while watching bachelor Rome haha
Finished 55ml
Wrapped her up n put her on her mat
Refused
Now sleepin on my chest..-zahra's feeding records

5am

930am

1.15pm

3.30pm

Polleney

Mokhsen should b proud of me now that i can down polleney like a pro
ahahaha

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Sometimes

Sometimes I don feel that u r only a wk n a day old.. Mayb coz of ur physique.. 37wks in my tummy n now u r always on my tummy.. In ur fav position ..sleepin d day away...
Subhannallah.. D great wonders of Allah swt ...


Az Zahra


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Lil g's here...

She's finally here!!

Our lil girl

Syukur alhamdulillah.. I've given birth to Az Zahra bte Mokhsen on d
27th January 2010

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Separation anxiety

I know separation anxiety exists.. In chn n adults.. But I didn't think I would suffer from it.. Hahaha deniAl!! Ub's routine now has been changed in a way he'll spend weekdays wif us n on thurs after sch till sat or sun he'll be wif his Nenek n atuk..I njoy his company so much that when he's not ard.. Things r not fun anymore.. I'll relive his convos.. D things he say n I'll feel so sad after that.. N it made worse when I call him to hear his voice he'll always reject my call.. Hmmm I guess it's hormones.. :( can't wait to have him back tomoro.. I foresee d amount of persuasions we have to do to get him to go to sch on Monday hahahah..

On another story.. I'm at my 34th wks right now.. N m feeling v uncomfortable when night comes.. Can't sleep properly.. Have to sit down n sleep at times hahah..sometimes I do gt frustrated.. Feels like crying at time ahahh hormones!!! I m so emo over lil things.. :(( d last leg.. N we'll all get to see lil g insya Allah.. She's big.. Now she weights abt 2.9kg.. So if she's heavier on d 11th Jan.. I will have to b induced .. I have yet to prepare her stuffs n my e stuffs.. Bought her clothes though.. Jus left to wash it n fold it.. Had been thinking of Nenek recently.. Then jus realized it's her 2nd death anni next wk.. On d 11th Jan if not wrong.. Imiss her..miss having her ard.. :(( al fateha buat Nenek...

Ub's sch updates

It's almost 3 wks ub's in sch.. He still cries when sen leaves for home after sending us.. He cries when I told him I have to go n teach n he still cries when he sees me in my class or at any part of d sch.. He is such a cartoon!!
He normally converses with us in Malay.. N very lil eng as he converses more in eng with auntie (his grandma main caregiver all this while).. So after startin sch he converses more in eng.. AE keep tellin us to switch to eng but I refuse..I wan him to know d time to switch languages rather than pick up a new Lang n forget d old.. This is my personal opinion..*peace*...:)so three wks on.. He's speaking English.. Malay n lil bit of mandarin..more of mandarin coz it's sth v new to him.. It's so funny to hear him speak as he speaks as how he hears it so it's really funny sometimes it's sounds vulgar hahahah!!!
But I m real glad that I send him to sch at this time.. He'll re enacts things that happens in sch n it's so comical at times.. He's a silent observer.. Will jus sit n watch n will do it at home.. He's more independent now..feedin self n finishing it up.. Puttin clothes on himself n will keep saying he wants to do things on his own...


If u can c from this pic he's wearing 2 sets of clothes...


Fed himself.. Though messy but it's a start ... I njoy my time wif him even more now though sometimes I feel like crying when he refuse to cooperate or misbehaves.. I jus dun wan ppl to think I'm not capable of disciplining my child.. But now I couldn't care less.. Each child r diff individual.. They misbehave coz they need an outlet to xpress themselves.. So I should cut myself some slack n
Not stress myself over lil things:)


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Quality time

Having Ub at home is a bliss.. I love d time I have wif him.. Whenever sen goes for his night shift, I'll have few hrs of qt with ub.. It's so precious... It's easy to have conversations with him.. I can understand his speech n he can understand mine.. Bliss such bliss..


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Finally school

First day of school.. Was all happy n cheerful.. But cried when d ayah left.. Cried for most of the day.. That's normal to me.. But heart wrenching for d ayah.. Ub cried even harder when sen came.. It broke his heart to c his son cryin so badly hehe.. Normal for me coz normally I allow him to cry that bad too.. Fetched smil at takasyimaya..She n fil wanted to reward ub for being a brave boy in sch.. Got a new car.. They pamper him.. Sometimes too much I think.. But still syukur alhamdulillah.. They really dote him silly.



Second day.. Sen didn't get to send us as he was in d mornin shift.. I didn't get to sleep well d previous night n was very tired in d morn.. Sen told to cab not to tire me out any further.. Ub was whiney.. He really can whine!! So we cabbed.. Reached.. Spent some time .. N then...



Refused to let me go.. Cried..start all over again...
Third was much better..forTh day ponteng coz he went to nenek's house..fifth day was ok coz there were no kids n he had d centre all to himself..Sixth n seventh day whiney.. N cried a bit.. He'll step out of it.. But I'm glad I send him to sch at this age.. He comes home n sharednwif his grandparents or d ppl at home on what he learnt or did in sch.. Till more updates :))


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My teacher is...

Sen misheard ub's teacher's name... It's thinesh but sen had been teachin ub that it's teacher pinesh.. N d way ub says it like it's teacher penish... Now we r tryin to teach him d right name. N pronounciation though we still get that "my teacher is teacher penish" I hope he gets it right on tue.. Hahahaha


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When I grow up

Ub asked where's my earrings n went on to touch my ears.. N he turned to d tv.. Now I get it.. D guy on tv has a earring on his left ear.. So I went..."no no no earrings for boys..." to which ub answered "now cannot kan dah besar can!"
Oh my!!


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Memories...

Memories means a lot to me.. Brighten up my days..made me laugh.. Cry...

Facebook is d craze now ... I think .. :) created one for sen coz he kept hijacking mine.. A friend from d past added him.. N his pics brought memories of us all friends ...niza.. Diana k.. Diana s.. Yantty.. Badut..how time flies.. Some of us r already mothers...

Chalets...campin.. BBQ sessions.. Those were d days..it would b nice to meet up n catch up.. Though some of us r not on gd terms now.. I think we should forget d pass n move on from there.. Lifes wasted dwellin on
D past.. Pandai ckp Aries!! Should practice wat I preach.. Ok shall swallow d hurt .. N continue from there..

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End of sahm period

Few more hrs n my feeling sahm period is over....:((
Didn't do anything much wif ub.. Jus bummed ard the house... Ub is so well behave wif me at home.. but as usual will misbehave when his grandparents are around...n like usual d things he do amazes me... Can't wait for December when he starts sch wif me..

To date I have yet buy things for lil g.. I got a bag of donated clothes from an x colleague.. Syukur.. Think will have more
From my sil.. Did create a
List of things to buy for lil g.. But dun wanna rush.. Take things slow..:)

Hmmm back to reality tomoro.. Draggggggg

N do ayah's back

Look at these 2.. Like as if they hadn't seen each other for yrs... I rest my case!!


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Cries

Ub would cry whenever he wakes up n couldn't find his ayah... (he is THAT sticky to his dad)... Prepared him last nite that he'll have me at home while ayah goes to work.. To which he agreed.. Came mornin 802am... He cried coz well he couldn't fid his ayah... Let him cry it out coZ I know he was feelin sad n
Stuff ... Stopped when he remembered I had that new app on d iPhone n asked if he could play with it... Jus as I loaded it for him.. D ayah called n ub started cryin again hahah .. I laughed yea I did.. I have a very high tolerance for crying kids.. Hahha so let him cry again till he stop.. I think it's gonna b d same tomoro.. I'm jus gonna let him cry it out... Cryin is healthy.. I believe.. Expressing his emotions n let his lungs Exercise hahaha!!!


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Life...

A colleague's mum passed away this morning.. Cancer.. Few relapses n
then this... I feel her.. My maternal grandma had that..she left us
when I was 15.. Dejavu... When I visited her mum that day.. I was
transported back to the time I had my 'mak'...it was nvr easy to look
after d sick.. But it was the least that we could to till her akhir
hayat... I missed my grandparents.. They were d grandparents a child
could ever have...lost my paternal grandad @ 7.. He had a heart
attack.. I Jus started p1.. Tok ayah gave me everythin I wanted..or
watever I needed.. Same like Mak.. Tok mat n Nenek... I was d first
grandchild that explains how much they adore me... Second to go was
Mak.. Cancer...Lost her @ 15... Then tok mat..he was a strong man.. He
fell @ work n he nvr woke up... He introduced me to d world of
perfumes.. Always buyin me d latest ones.. Got engaged to sen 40 days
after tok mat left.. Or was it 100 days.. Regretted we didn't get
engaged earlier...Nenek was d recent to go..last yr.. Nenek watched me
grow... Engaged... Get married n had ub... Ub had his time wif her
though I know she would b even happier to c him grow...
Nenek's demise is still felt now.. I get dreams of her... I miss
her ...but Allah sayang kan dia...

Wonder how is it when it's our turn... We all eventually have to
return to our creator...

Life in d world.. Semua sementara...

Al fateha buat yg telah pergi ... Amin

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Ub says again

Ub likes to say "nanti b sorg mcm mana.." or "nanti b carik ibu/ayah
mcm mana..." or "nanti ub sedih..."whenevr we tell him he has to stay
at nenek's or with grandma while ayah n ibu goes to work.. N so I did
d reverse thingy wif him....

Happened jus a few Mins ago...
We just got back from Nenek mon's house (d ayah's mum.. My mil)... I
know ub is pretty knackered as he was on full swing wif his cousins n
d ever so hyper auntie haha.. D ayah.. Slept soundly.. As usual.. Our
sleep (me n ub's) routine would be chit chat or read a book.. Today is
not a reading night (too lazy hahah)... So we chatted while I
facebooked..we talked abt s diff photos on facebook... Who y what
where.. All ques from him... He was almost dozing off but kept his
eyes open when I asked ques...
Eventually I asked "ub ngantuk nak sleep!"
To which he answered "ub tak sleep mata ub weak!"
Hahahh!! I really do not know where he get that from..
So I told him "nanti ibu sedih mcm mana? Nanti ibu sorg" n he replied
"ibu jgn sedih la mata b weak lar!"
This ques n ans thingy happened a few cycle before he cried n told me
not to b sad... Hahaha I jus love to disturb him... Few secs later...
Not only his eyes went weak... He too!!! Hhaha

Hmmm so amazed at his ans sometimes!!

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Ub says

Went for din din wif ub n d hub.. B4 reaching home I said to ub: b
Wash ur feet bila kita sampai rumah....

Ub smelled his feet n said: but ub tak de smelly feet!!!

Hahaha how do I xplain??

Father of my son.. N dotter...

I cannot thank Allah enuf.. For the other half Allah have given me...
He is d missing puzzle piece that fits in perfectly to my
imperfections.. Syukur alhamdulillah.. He never c my imperfections as
something that he can blackmail me with.. Or something to bring up
whenever we have tiffs.. Instead he worked with those imperfections..
D thing he said to me during raya.. Touches me.. A lot that I'll
remember.. Time to forgiveness but when it was my turn he said... U r
my wife... For everything u said or did... Hari2 saya maafkan...
Him... D husband n d father of my kids....

The notty one...

Was home today coz I bled again but syukur alhamdulillah everything's
fine.. Must have exerted myself ...

Was very tired.. Left ub wif dada.. Heard cries.. Arguements but I
left them to solve it themselves.. Woke up at 4 .. Showered ub n told
him .. He needs to rest... He got upset.. Cried.. (a sure sign that
he's tired) .. Plead to go out.. I highlighted his mistakes (d
arguements.. Spilled water on d floor n denied...) he was quick to
deny..N said he won't do it again.. I didn't budge.. Told him he was
wrong.. Got ngry.. Threw his dino robot on d floor n it broke..
Smacked his thigh twice (something which I regretted after that) n
said he can cry... I'm upset that he threw his Dino n I'm not
accepting that behavior.. He cried.. I let him express his anger..
After a while.. Told him I love him n that I was upset with wat he
did.. He told me he wanted his ayah.. Let him cry again n told him I'm
here if he's ready to give me a hug.. After a while he hugged me n
said ibu sayang k.. Just melted me there n then.. He stopped crying
after a while.. Hugged him kisses n cuddles... Told him I love him but
wat he did was wrong... Gave him suggestions on how to express his
anger .. Repeated myself n asked him wat he should do d next time to
which he answered.. I'm glad that though he is only 2plus... He is
able to accept rules.. Summarize wat we want n don wans..know wat is
wrong n right(though we still have to reinforce)... In d end midst d
cuddling hugs n kisses... He fell asleep...though d whole process took
time.. Was tiring.. I'm glad I wen thru it .. A step of learning more
abt him n he learning abt me..

My angel... Always b...

Made up...

I like my make nowadays.. N I like to make myself up these days...
Aunties... Cousins speculated that bb's a girl that's y I'm like
this.. When I was preggy wif Ub... I was so selekeh... I was abt 5
mths during raya smother time wif ub n I remembered very well I
couldn't b bothered wif how I look.. Jus lipstick n a bit of blush..
This time it was way diff.. 2 days b4 raya I went down jus to stock up
my make up... Ppl who knows me.. Know that I take a long time to
finish up my powder.. Can take yrs!! But my dior two way cake is
almost finish... Jus bought it early this yr!!!i'm vain!! So
different!! Friday's scan confirms it... I m carrying a lil
Me!! Xcited!! Happy n sad at d same time.. Let d sad part stays wif me
n sen...syukur alhamdullilah.. A lil sis for ub comes feb....

On another note... I jus love my eye make up in d pix:))

On course

I'm so sleeping

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Ayubi speaks

Lion dance

See!! Always doing crazy things together... Sen don mind doing crazy
things as long as he gets to entertain ub.. Well that's what's being a
dad is all abt right.. I wonder how he'll juggle 2 later.. I think he
can manage.. He is such a gd dad.. Today is a lazy day.. Going for
raya visits only later..
On another story.. Kinda worried for my buddy.. Wondering what
happened ...

Raya

Ayubi restless.. Haha

Dreams

Last night I dreamt that it was raya... Was time to ask for
forgiveness when Nenek came n hugged me... I was shocked.. Exclaimed
'eh Nenek masih hidup!' to which she replied... 'Nenek sentiasa
ada...' that made me feel angry with myself... For writings about how
much I miss her.... Now that she's gone... When actual fact she is
still around...
Yes Nenek is still around.... Here in my heart... In my memories... Al
fateha buat Nenek ku yg tersayang selamanya....

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Raya to do list

•fold clothes
•wash clothes
•change d guys buttons
•change bedsheet
•change curtains
•buy shawl n brooch
•send nine west wedges to cobbler to mend
•iron clothes
•mop n deodorize room
•print n prepare money packets

Will update accordingly hahah!!

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Wats ur problem

I'm not involve in ur arguement so don drag me in n show ur arse!!

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Us in early yrs

I happened to read an entry I wrote during Ramadhan last yr... Abt how
much I miss Nenek.. I miss her though it's already 2 yrs since her
passing... Watching PR just now made it worse.. Coz Nenek was almost
like d main character before her passing.. D show had some
similarities to our family.. D diabetes.. D disagreements.. D passing
in 1st syawal.. But all were solved... I think... Nenek she never
Susahkan kita.. Even when she left she tak menyusahkan sesiapa... In
fact she left us things that we never thought she had so much... But
with this some ppl forget who r families n who should have
priority..Well what can i say... Those feelings r sealed... Al fateha
Nenek ...

Books for Ub

Ub is at d reading stage now... So I'm buying as many books for him to
'read'... I'm quite please with his developmental milestones... Being
in d early childhood field I tend to get 'kan cheong' when I see some
missing areas in ub's development... But those missing areas make up
for other areas that are present... I'm d guilty weekend
Parent where he spends most of his time on weekdays at my mil's.. but
I must say my mil did a great job in making sure he's exposed to all
pies aspects... Syukur alhamdulillah... One thing he lacks though...
Mixing with peers socially... Oh that's a toughie... But nvm i'm
looking fwd to dec where he'll b back home for good n I can tackle
that area... We r expecting a ne member in d Sen's family most prob in
mid feb... Ub's little sibling... I know he's gonna b a good big
brother n I can't wait to c him developing his big bro character..
Soon soon

Foolin ard

These two... Have their own jokes.. Own games.. I can sit n watch d
two of them fool around for hours n never get sick of it...

Cheeky face!!

This is what I get when asked him to smile for pic! Cheeky!!!

I miss ayubi this wk is a packed one so he had to stay @ his grams for
a longer period if time:((

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New toy

Testing out the new toy!!!

Kids Say d Darnest Thing...

Nana likes to teach Ayubi nonsense..
Well it is funny to hear him talk nonsense.. n of coz we as parents will correct him.. n its even funnier when he say d correct things!!

he was playing Cooking Mama..Nana said 'K let's cook pork rice'
So they 'cooked' pork rice...mayb he thinks that pork is jus a harmless food item.. n so...

Yesterday when he reached home ..he said, "B very hungry..lapar..nak makan pork ah!!"
Imagine the shock we had!!
Hahahahah

So we corrected him.. told him what pork was.. n that we Muslims CANNOT eat pork..touch or cook pork.. only in games..because pork is haram.. did a bit of explaining what haram is.. but being in his age.. i dunno how much he actually absorbed what we explained.. Nana reinforced the topic again this morning... Syukur alhamdulillah..

So for lunch today i tot of cooking fishball soup wif rice for him.. so i told him "B..ibu masak kan B today ok".. to which he replied "Eh mana boleh!!" I was of coz puzzled.. asked him why tak boleh...and he answered, "Eh tak ley cook pork..pork kan haram!! Tak ley cook tak ley makan" with his oh-so-serious face..

i.. couldnt help it.. burst out laughin!!..
d things he say.. sometimes.. i cant believe that he is still a 2 yr old.. hmmm
so adult like!!

Act3 with Yubs..Sara n Eni..

We spent the morning @ Act3.. it was fun..Teacher Juriah..was nice .warm and very engaging wif the kids..Sara n Ayubi were in separate class mayb coz i registered late.. Ayubi was fine during the warm up dancing and hummin to song.. but started to freeze when ppl were lookin at him.. insisted i hugged and cuddled hm.. but was ok after that.. he walked around d classroom.. did d singing..acting and imagination part of it.. putting up his hands and said 'my turn my turn' when Teacher Juriah asked if anyone wanted to get their turns at the ball..reading or just doing the body actions.. after an hr.. he was all tired out.. gave Teacher Juriah a hug and marched out of the classroom.. literally...

He was kinda in his own world.. saluting ppl.. marching and act as he was a soldier.. in a parade square.. it helps that the area does look like a parade square hahahah!! He really amazes me.. d person who started Act3 asked if i would enrol him since he was already doing the imagining thing and stuffs.. told her i just might...

I like that he was socialising in d class..d class was a routine and i like at the tot of that...but it is so..inaccessible.. hmmm maybe i would consider it again...after i get my license..to drive that is hahahha..

Sara liked her class too..Eni tot of enrolling her too.. but maybe hmmmm lets just source out for more trial classes n decide then..

So it was vivo next..Eni wanted to get vouchers fer her sil.. walked around.. was kinda diff at first coz..no stroller,,it was almost naptime.. AYubi's cranky already.. but it helps having Sara around.. she called out to Ayubi..they challenged each other by running or walkin faster..lunch was @ Earle's...d kids were gd.. ate.. ENi n I chatted...Feisal came n sent me n Yubi home...

Both kids conked out in d car.. they were pretty much tired out after the whole morning of activity..till d next playdate!!!

My Love...

Me..typing out my observations while.. Ayubi..watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse.. he sang-a-long the opening song.. n it was d cutest thing ever..

 

My the things he do..

Always surprises me!!

Not @yemyone anymore.. Now @endteeyou

I love weekends.. but i dread this wkend.. not d normal wknd..

After this wkend..i'm no longer travelling to yemyone for work.. instead it will be @ endteeyou..

God its hard...

Missing Ng, Nor..Chen.. n d people i'm missing most.. d children...

5 yrs.. they lit up my mornings.. wif cheery greetings, cries for mum/dad...fights, quarrels..writings..readings...

arguements..complains..vomit..watever u can link think of when i say 18mths to 6yr olds..

Parents.. though they can b shitty at times.. but d bond..built over 5 yrs is so strong.. that they cried when we said our final gdbyes...

It so surreal...5yrs passed so fast.. memories of me starting work with my best bud then is still fresh in my memory..

There's more to write.. but.. i guess i'll leave it at that...

2003 - 2008

It was good while it lasted..

School for Yubi...

Hmmmm.. plans were .. Yubi to attend d tods class @ yem yone with me..

But sad to say.. the lease ended.. and yem yone and us ...split..

Come 1st Dec.. i'm posted to NTU.. to begin a new life..yeah d distance's far..

But..i'm willing to put all that aside coz i'm taking d same level as my buddy!!!

NTU no tods class.. Sen is anal about d sch Yubi goes to.. this cannot..that cannot..

So for now d plan is to send him to a short hr prog on wkdays and wkends..

He's quite a handful now.. poor Auntie.. penat look after him.. so..playgroup in d morning..so that Auntie can have a few hours of freedom without him around..

It sure aint easy to look a playgroup ..i'm hmmm anal abt d curriculum hahahha..

Guess searcin thru the net is not as good as being there myself..

One of these days shall take leave and walk as a mystery shopper and see how's d curriculum like..

hehhehe

all for this precious one...

Pisses me off...

i hate that stupid liar liar pants on fire..
I had it..
I m so glad we are moving out of yem yone..
Wif stupid theraphy..liarliar..YX's mother..
Liarliar gave us a 'no' for if she feels welcome whenever she comes to the centre...
NG confronted her and she said ' well only u n TN would say good morning to me when i come'
F u!!U blind or deaf?? Or both??wat the hell was i doing when i see u then?
these yem yone ppl are so f ed up!!
5 years ..we were there..teach ur kids.. delivering the curriculum.. sharing our love n care..
n at the end of the 5 yrs this is wat we get??
i m so disappointed.. so so disappointed...
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so frustating!!!

Raya came....

 

Spot the difference..

The first pic look kinda empty huh...

First raya without Nenek... d first raya i felt so empty...

We all met for a while.. i dunlike d kind arrangement we had that day..

it all happened so fast..

Taking the family pic was d most looked-forward event of d day...

Cousins...aunties would touch up their make up..uncles would set up their trpods and camera in order to get the best shot..

Families would scramble for the best 'seats' to get their faces properly shot by the cameras..

We wouls take a loooooong time.. but it was all fun...

This yr..it was pap...pap and done...

You'll nvr know when ur last moments will be right =(...

D eve of raya...i stayed home..coz i remembered Cik Ida said nenek would visit us...

D share of money i had for nenek... was donated to d mosque..in her name...

Al fateha buat nya...

Awful..

I dunno if i should feel affected or not..

But i guess ppl who knows me knows that i am already affected to begin with..

My heart is broken.. n i jus cant seem to pick up d pieces..

Well some ppl say it either break u or make u..

D instincts is to strong..ah heck it...silence doesnt mean ur right n i'm wrong...

lets just leave it as that.. as this.. fullstop...

Rindu..

here i am.. surfing the net while making cookies for raya..

couldnt help feeling empty..

i miss her.. she would call n ask.. "Aries buat kueh berapa macam tahun ni?"

And i would answer her accordingly..

Or.."Hari ni buka apa? Aries masak apa?"

I remembered...i used to tell her i couldnt cook.. i'm bad at it and she would retort ..

"Senang la nak masak.. masak apa? Ayam lemak cili padi? Senang... pergi beli.. nanti nenek masakkan..."

Now eventually when i can cook.. she's no longer around.. to taste my cooking...

Ayubi talks alot now.. once in a while he would call out "Nyang...nyang" or he would point out 'Nyang' in the photo..'Nyang carrying him'..

I'm sure his Nyang would be delighted to hear him talk.. to see him toddling here n there,..

But all his Nyang could witness was his birth.. his wailings.. his cryings.. colic.. where she tended to him..chatting with his ayah while his ibu surrended to tiredness...

Once in a while.. Sen would recall back that night where she shared her life wif him.. he was fortunate to hear all those stories..me? i guess i took her for granted..believed that she would stay longer..i was wrong...

whenever Sen shared wif me those stories.. i would cry buckets.. regrets.. that i took her for granted..

i've always tot i was second best to her.. little that i know... i was always d first.. d first in her eyes...

Years back it was during this time too..ramadhan.. she was here...she nagged...Nana n I.. we danced.. we called her nags techno music.. we danced to her nags.. but now... no nags to dance to..

This raya.. is diff..no nenek to hug..to salam.. to kiss.. to ask for forgiveness..told Sen that d money that is meant for nenek, is to b donated...

Yes life goes on..but its different.. just so different..

Nek.. Aries rindu...

I'm floating

Ah.. i cant describe my feelings.. i feel so YEAY!!!!
Finally the dreaded practicum by a certain person is over!!
Im over the moon!!
I can start baking kuehs now..
I was so afraid i would flunk.. coz a few of my peers flunked.. n i was so so afraid.. but now its all over.. and i passed!!! just need to settle my practicum folder n then i'm done.. anothe dip to add to d name =) yeah!!
And Bibi coming home tonight double yeay!!!
Cant wait to meet him!

ECE

I was very upset on Monday..
Very very upset..
Some people might think that its easy being the ECE field..

Yes some people might think ECE = teacher children ABC, count 123..lunch time let them eat.. show time, let them shower and go home time just say goodbye...

Well it don work that way honey!!

We attend to the child's physical, emotional, intellectual and social needs..
We play the roles of mummys and daddys too..

But apparently these people don see it that way....

Its not easy being in this field..
Attend to children's needs.. parents demands.. meet expectations..
The list just goes on..

My 9th yr in this field and never have i felt so drained.. never...

I don feel up to it anymore..
N having to handle J is even more draining..

His tantrums!! Ah!! Tires me out...
I'm not giving up.. its just that.. d support is never there.. no matter watever i did .. to help him.. is never supported by the youknowwho..
It is so frustrating...
It is so not fair that i have to spend more time on him and waste my teachingtime to discipline him.. disrupt my lessons.. always!! I hate it!!

Well i guess whateverdoesnt kill me makes me stronger..

Pay aint great.. long hours..
Arghhhh i used to love what i'm doing.. but now..

*sigh*
i guess i've change.. i wish i can just stay home and look after Ayubi 24/7..
But i guess.. that will only happen in my dreams for now =(...

Right n Wrong...

I am so so worried...

I guess wat Papa said is true.. maybe there r reasons to why 'he' is being treated this way...

i was shocked.. to see something that i rather not see coming from someone close to me..

d feeling was urgh!! i dunno should i cry.. laugh or jus keep mum.. i was so angry.. sad n disappointed..

i gave him a tongue lashing.. of coz he panicked when i found out.. tried to make excuses.. but i know him too well..

i m so so worried.. this is just not d time.. not yet.. we don wan to deal wif this now..

i guess 'he' has to be ban from this home.. for the time being..

i dunno how to react if i should see him d next time... look so kesian.. so innocent.. so wronged.. but then.. its not the truth..

i m so so worried...i dun wan this attitude this 'teachings' of his to be passed around.. no i dun wan...

Papa brought this family up with blood tears n sweat.. instilled d right values.. d right and the wrongs and no way m i gonna let 'he' destroy it...

Just no way....

Jacob Ballas Garden

Had half a day @ Jacob Ballas Garden wif d kids..
Regrets didnt bring Ayubi there =(
Mayb this wkend..missing him already..

Ayubi n Grandpa

I love watching Papa and AYubi bonding together..
Papa is just like Tok Ayah..
Very much..

Hmmm wonder how's Papa coping with my active clockwork..
They're out.. visiting Cik Din =)
Hmmm wonder wat that uncle of mine has to say when he meets Ayubi..
He's a grandfather now..
He should behave better.insya allah..

Sleepless on a Wednesday Nite

I am so critical here..i cant help i t..
Made me regret being so willing ..yes mayb i had no choice .. but i could have made the choice that i wanted .. i didnt make that choice .. n it just adds on ...

I couldnt sleep last night ..i miss nenek ..mental pictures of her .. her voice ..kept coming back to me ..
D episode where i had complications during Ayubi's birth ..i remembered .. waking up and saw her at the foot of the bed .. crying .. i couldnt help crying myself .. i was so scred .. lost dunno whats gonna happen ...she cried .. n cried..
D episode where .. i had cold chendol .. and she said 'Nenek bilang Mokhsen, Aries munim air sejuk ...' i rebutted, 'Abih Nenek minum kopi .. nanti Aries bilang Cik Yah'...=) brought tears and smiles at d same time ..

Its sad to see things happening after her departure .. some were for d better ...some... was not a nice sight to c or even stories to hear ... it sure disappoints me .. ah well ... this is the harsh reality of life ...

al fateha buat nenek ..
we miss u =(

Saturday @ Kampung Glam

My lil fam went to Arab St.. to get material for d coming Raya.
aha puasa belum.. baju raya dah buat.. kiasuness..
As usual Momo cannot stand my haggling over d diff materials..
he and Ayubi waited for me by the roadside..
Me being a woman.. took my time choosing the materials..
In d end.. pick the same as Buddy's but in diff colour..

No plans for d day.. so decided to take a walk along Arab St.
I remembered when i was young.. Papa n Mama.. would take me and Nana..
To arab st.. to walk walk.. i remembered d bakul2 shop.. the bakul2 shop is still there now..we would walk and take photos of the old shophouses..Papa would tell us stories about shophouses ..who stays there.. some snippets of history that he know..
Hmmmm Papa.. a sucker for histories.. n politics hahaha

So we walked..wanted to have a tour of d SUltan Mosque.. but was not in the proper attire=( Ayubi pointed here and there.. mumbling in his own language..
Went to Kampung Glam..wanted to view d gallery there.. before realising that we don have enough cash.. dat is the thing abt me n Momo.. we rely too much on our atm cards ...we don withdraw money coz we always have this thinking that we can find an atm nearby.. well tough luck for us this time..
So wat was left for us to do? Hmm just walk around.. Ayubi wanted to be carried ..didnt wanna walk..

'Ayah, ri pls' --> Ayah carry pls
so we umpan him wif the umbrella i brought along (d sky was grey u c..)
Told him thats it's an umbrella.. he mumbled mumbled..

'wah wah..'

His favourite..most tods favourite.. water 'Ay.ey..ayey..'

Made him walk on d grass but he ran quickly to Momo..

AFter all that.. went Clementi for late lunch.. n home sweet home..
Wanted to fetch Cik Ida back from HongKong..but Ush came.. Mama's asleep so we had to entertain them... Ayubi called Iin 'Adik adik..' like he is d abang.. ahhaha

The Many Strollers..

My hands' itching again..to get Ayubi.. a new stroller hahah
Papa is sure gonna yell at me..
Currently Ayubi is using Quinny Zapp.. though it folds to like an arm's length..
its heavy..
And kinda diff to carry ard if i'm out alone with him..
He has a Maclaren Volo at his Nenek's house for those short trips to the market..
And another Quinny Speedi in a box hahaha..
It was a present from his Ummie and Grandma.. nak jual sayang..
So still in a box..hmmmm
Tot of getting the Maclaren quest mod.. hmmm
Hmmmmm

26th June 08 Thurs Mama's bday..

Mama and Papa..hmmm i so so wanna be like them..d happier parts..d giler2 parts...


Mama n her only son...


Mama and her 2 daughters.. 1 big 1 small ahhaha

Momo and Hams.. not around.. both night shift...

Papa bought her the cake..we bought her a batignolle.. kopak sak..but ok la once a yr.. hahhaha love u Mama..though u sometimes like d wind.. often angin hehehe

The New Member..

After much deliberation..

Welcome to another gadget to add to my collection of gadgets..

-ariessen.ayubi-

hmmm i think thats the last purchase for this month...oooopps..

Urgent Leave wif Bi

Fetched Bi last night..
Auntie said he was running a slight fever.. but boy was he still active!
Miss my Bi.. he was excited to go home..
Sat in the taxi..ooohing..and ahiiing at things...
My clever Bi..
At home.. no more fever.. but the runs... ooh.. poor Bi.. but he was cool..
Everytime he pooed.. he would just say 'Yak yak...' and would head to the toilet..tugging his diapers..
Took urgent leave today..to care for my sick Bi.. fever back again.. vomitted once and runs again..
Was so afraid that he would get stomach flu.. but it all died down by late noon.. so wasnt worried as much..
Time spent at home wif him.. priceless..
We kinda got in a routine.. woke up.. play.. breakfast.. milk then sleep...
Wake up... shower... play..play..lunch...then sleep...
He is such a pleasure to watch...
He fed himself for breakfast today.. was fun to watch him.. hahaha though it gets messy..
Its common ..like d todds in sch...
My Bi.. growing up =)

..SCooop..Scooopp...

In yer mouth..

..Plenty of water to wash down all that food...

..Let's surf the web... like Ibu

..Don forget yer sunnies when you go out!..

Miss him..

Though.. we had 2 solid days with Ayubi..
I think it wasnt enough... i'm missing him now and am contemplating of picking him up and bringing him home.. but Momo has to send him back tomoro mornin.. n i'm afraid Momo would be too tired to do so.. =(..
Hmmmm

I miss u Bibi..

Remember..

16th June 08 Monday..
Is truly a day to remember..
Ayubi was locked in d car..alone!
As usual.. Momo is being himself..
d blur..forgetful being he always is..
No matter how blur or forgetful he is.. i still love him loads..
Sent me to work..After putting Ayubi in d carseat... He slam shut d back door and d door auto locked..
Luckily..my workplace and our house were nearby..Called Papa and got him to bring his set of keys down..
I was near to tears.. poor Bibi.. all alone..
Luckily he whined abit.. called fer AYah.. n tadaaa.. Papa came.. running from d pathway all to my workplace..
Momo was so angry with himself..
So i went back to work.. Momo drove Papa back and sent Ayubi to his Nenek's..
Called Auntie during lunchtime n asked how's Ayubi.. did he had nightmare while having his nap.. or was he cranky etc..
Auntie said he was fine.. played wif Aisah..Afifah and Al'ya..
Oh so d cousins were there.. great.. =)..


Well..back from Malacca.. d kampung stay was scary aha.. me being the wuss.. had to get Nabila or Atin to accompany me in d toilet during d night showers or to the car just to get stuffs.. it was eerie la ..hahah
But we enjoyed d trip..Ayubi was d king in car.. Papa n Mama allowed him to roam..climb.. jump etc in d car.. they didnt put him in his carseat.. he was literraly allowed to do watever he want..
A'famosa.. sucks.. d water ..euww dirty..but d time spent wif d half of the Yahya family was well priceless..
I remembered we went A'famosa..years back..i was single at that time.. Momo was playing d hard to get game..Yantty tagged along.. oh yeah we slept at the kampung too..

Yantty.. i miss her.. as usual.. things are always not d same after marriage.. different commitmen and priorities..Yafith..hmmm getting engage soon.. happy fer him.. though deep inside i wished for the impossible aha!

Oh well..have yet to get kain for our baju kurung.. n i wanna get a big bag for raya.. to fit Momo's..Ayubi's and my stuffs..

Hmmm pink and brown... hmmmm

Stilll...

Poppy Red came to visit me..
It is uncomfortable to change in d public toilets or someone else's place..
So i dragged Momo to Cik yah's place.. to pee and change myself..

After d changing episode.. subconciously.. i found myself walking to Abil's room.. the room where Nenek spent her last few moments with me..looked around the room.. not much changes.. everything were pretty much the same..
Opened her cupboard..n saw her clothes were replaced with Naziha's pretty coloured dresses..then it hit me.. again... Nenek wasnt around anymore...
So many events and happenings but Nenek is not around to enjoy and celebrate it wif us =(.

Nenek al fateha buat Nenek.. yg sentiasa Aries
sayang..


_________________________________________

Had fun yesterday.. hahahhaha yesterday was indian mode.. *private joke!*
the girls were hilarious.. including Boy and Momo.. Boy and Momo seems to be in d same crazy frequency.. yeah la anak tak de so feeling single right.. till d next outing =)

June..d Many Birthdays..

-Insyirah
-Nana and
-Naufal....

Hmmm wat to get fer them..
Nana's settled.. Naufal more or less i have in mind wat to get for him.. left SYirah.. that cerewet maknenek... hmmmm

Batam trip sucks.. was so disappointed.. but we enjoyed each other's company.. though we would have enjoyed more if we were given the things we paid for..
sienz=(

Presents...

Momo is never good with pressies...
He's always like 'U buy first then claim from me ok..'..
So i 'warned' him early this yr.. i dun wanna buy and claim.. i wan him to buy..
be it bday presents or any other presents..
So yes it was different.. we had a walk at the nearest mall aha!..
We walked into a watch shop.. i wanted to c..d emporio i missed..
He asked d price for a nautica chrono..he said he liked it.. i said it was cool.. n it started..
Momo:'u said its cool.. n i like it so i shall get it for u..'
Aries:'hmm..but i don go diving.. and its really huge..let me consider..'
Momo:'No its either now or not.. quick..'
Aries:'I like d smaller one'
Momo:'ok done. ..somethin diff this time'
Aries:'yeah by threatening =('

After much hagglng..like maknenek... he got me or rather he got us.. d non diver nautica.. thks eh =) for d watch n d g bag..=) love love..

Susssheeeee!!

The buddy and I.. love having our monthly makan sessions.... we were so in need of one this wk... but our schedule just doesnt allow it.. with her classes clashing wif mine and vice versa..

n so.. we kinda did something that we were not suppose to.. but we did it anyway hahaha..

We were so craving for sushi and yeah that monthly makan session.. an hr of makan was enough! hahahah we did it chop chop!!

An hour of makan...an hr of updates.. gossip..chatchat abt d past..it was a great bonding session.. thk u buddy..

I know i dun thank u buddy enough.. d things that u do for me..thk u is never enough.. love u buddy!!

Pink!!

I just love pink on him hahah.. to date he only has two pink tops hahhaha..

maybe should consider pink for raya.. like d Ayah suggested..

Dinner on Thursday..

Was thinking about that someone who called me a alsterk.

When she said that straight in my face.. i was like 'wow hold on here..' yeah n so she said in a 'friendly' manner but i was taken aback..

What the hell did i do to get that calling from u?
Its frustrating.. coz i'm sure i didnt do that!

K n so ur direct.. but i dun think i deserve that calling.. coz like i said I"M SURE I DIDNT DO WAT A alsterk DOES!!

Tapi tak pe..

Lucky my Momo got his nite's off.. n so off to Teh Tarik for a bowl of mee pok with hot pipping soup.. yummey.. and his was minced chicken noodle.. double yummey..

Hope tomorrow brings me a better day =)

Ayubi and his milestones

My Ayubi is growing..being in d early childhood industry.. i tot i would be even more particular abt Bi's development.. but i was surprise that i'm not.. d Ayah is.. n so true to wat Tin said...haha... but just for the record.. since i'm starting to blog here again.. here's Bi's development milestones..



Developmental Milestones at 13mths



Social Emotional

• Not shy with strangers


• Cries when mother or father leaves


• Enjoys imitating people in his play


• Shows specific preferences for certain people and toys


• May be fearful in some situations (only when d Ayah gets angry)


• Prefers father and/or regular caregiver over all others


• Repeats sounds or gestures for attention


• Finger-feeds himself


• Extends arm or leg to help when being dressed

Movement

• Assumes hands-and-knees position


• Creeps on hands and knees


• Pulls self up to stand


• Walks holding on to furniture


• Can walk on his own


• Pulls toys behind her while walking


• Carries large toy or several toys while walking


• Stands on tiptoe


• Kicks a ball


• Climbs onto and down from furniture unassisted


• Walks up and down stairs holding on to support


• Scribbles spontaneously
  

Language

• Pays increasing attention to speech


• Responds to simple verbal requests


• Responds to "no"


• Uses simple gestures, such as shaking head for "no"


• Babbles with inflection


• Says "Ayah,mama, nenek, dada, ummi, gempa(grandpa), gemma(grandma), mimme(give me), meh (cat = meow), pu(lampu), lights, car, nak, pis(pls), ustaka(kamustaka'how r u' in tagalog), hmmm cant remember anymore for now =)


• Uses exclamations, such as "Oh-oh!"


• Tries to imitate words


• Recognizes names of familiar people, objects and body parts

Cognitive

• Explores objects in many different ways (shaking, banging, throwing, dropping)


• Finds hidden objects easily


• Looks at correct picture when the image is named


• Imitates gestures


• Begins to use objects correctly (drinking from cup, brushing hair, dialing phone, listening to receiver,kick the ball)

Ayah's and Ibu's Ayubi

Complications..

On Sunday.. an article in d Berita Minggu caught my eye..
d one about d lady giving birth and was bleeding nonstop after dat.. it reminded me of my birth story...

A yr and 2 months and a few days back..
..i started my maternity leave.. an advance one..so it was 27th March 07.. I missed my mornin check up so i turned up for the evening one...
..Adrian.. upon checking my cervix said that i have to be admitted that night..11pm..hahha
Told him if i can delay.. he said cant coz baby's big.. that made me panic a bit.. but was ok.. n so.. told Sen wat Adrian said.. went Nenek's(Sen's) house a while.. cant remember for wat.. went to the Shengshiong near Aisah's place and got cocnuts..drank it in d car while smsing my aunts mum dad n all about my updates.. was feeling excited n scared at the same time.. went home paced up n down.. pack my e-bag.. n rest.. Sen had his magrib n isyak prayers..tot of going to TMC straight from home..but Mak called n asked to come over n have fishball noodle soup..went over..due to d feeling that i had.. i hadnt been eating anythin ..so had a bit of fishball noodle soup.. made our way to TMC... stopped fer petrol n kitkat..n batteries.. n continued our journey.. parked d car n registered.. while Sen settle the stuffs..i was brought to the delivery ward.. was feeling worried n scared as my support wasnt there.. they put me on the CTG machine.. d midwife/nurse said baby's heartbeat was tacky..didn know wat it meant..Adrian came..checked my cervix and broke my waterbag.. a squirt of enema and before i could say anything i could feel everything comeing out.. rushed to d toilet ...saw trails of blood n d amniotic fluid..came back n was hooked on the CTG machine again.. it was after a while that i was asked to go to the delivery ward.. Sen came..time was about 11.45pm.. the midwives came n put drips n all those things on me.. no pain..still can relax..12am.. no pain..1am.. d contractions start to come slowly.. my cervix was only 2cm...145am.. d contractions start to come hard.. it was painful.. breathe heavily..like how Kak wirdi taught me to do..at every breath i read d surah mariam... with Sen holding my hand.. and reciting some doas for me to follow..used d gas but wanted to puke bcoz of the smell.. time seems to past pretty fast.. i dunno y.. 4am.. d irritating midwife cam and checked me..4cm dilated.. only 4???ah....asked for epidural.. was cryin in pain.. n dissappointment that it was only 4.. d aethe watever came.. he was nice...epidural was.. painless.. hahaha but i keep jerkin.. or rather shiver.. the side effect and Sen was laughing at me.. everytime a contraction or rather contractions came.. Sen had to massage my feet.. hahahah that made me feel better..6am ..7cm..730am.. d midwives.. said i was ready.. tried to push but i couldnt feel d contractions coming.. even when they reduced the epidural..8am Adrian came.. baby didnt wanna come out.. he tried d vacumm and then the forceps.. n baby was delivered at 823am...
i was.. speechless.. d feelings ...i jus cannot describe the feelings.. baby was cleaned up while i was sew down there.. Adrian took a long time n i could actually feel the needle!! ouch!!! finally the whole ordeal ended.. stayed a while in the delivery ward..was tired..after like about 30mins.. iw as wheeled to the ward..

i was ok.. feeling fine..but had no apetite.. cant eat..2 days later was discharged.. it was exciting..having a baby.. looking after him...n all.. i was discharged on wednesday.. on friday morning..i was bleeding blood clots.. n so the whole day i jus lay on d bed and rest..sleep all day long.. was ok in d evening...yantty came n visit..chitchat..gossiped n all..asked around on d blood clots n ppl said oh its the dirty blood thats clearing and its good... saturday i was fine too.. Sunday.. i bled again.. it was terrible..lots n lots of blood.. i fainted..everyone at home panic.. i felt terrible.. Nana called d ambulance..i was cold n shivery.. half concious but was aware of wats happening ard me.. refused to be sent to hosp.. but no choice.. d medics said i was losing lots of blood... reached A n E.. it was a bumpy ride.. d docs on duty fiddled me here and there...i was feeling very cold..two blankets and an additional warm one.. didnt help..was wheeled into the normal ward.. where a prof came and see me.. said that they suspected i had some placenta bits still in my womb and i had to have an op fast..3omins later ther wheeled me into d operating theatre.. i felt terrible.. didnt know if i would survive the op.. cried ..think of Ayubi.. Sen.. my great family.. my grandma,. my aunts..d people in the ops theatre was playing a song by Clay Aiken..soon.. i was unconcious..

..Woke up..heard ppl around me saying that my blood pressure was low.. was asked my name n ic no.. wheeled in d ward.. saw nenek.. nenek mon..auntie..bapak.. n my aunties.. i cried n they cried too..it was so sad..was too tired... so i slept after they left.. woke up n aisah came..but was too tired.. slept abit more.. after everyone left.. just sat wif sen n talked.. cried when he wanted to go home..i felt so..lost..scared..he just hugged me...told me its ok to cry..
i was angry..angry wif adrian..negligence on his part?? i was confused..three days later was discharged..Adrian.. not apologetic at all...i could have died..300grm of placenta in me.. i could have lost everythin and there's no word of sorry from him..nothing..will nvm..mayb he will get his desserts...

but for now.. syukur alhamdullilah i was saved.. i'm still alive.. i can still care for my baby.. my dearest hub...spend time wif my dearest family.. se d passing of my beloved grandma..

but i'm so sorry for Kak Julia's auntie.. d one who was in the article...only 30mins of happiness wif d newborn..n she bled ..organs failed n finally she left the world to see her maker..i was nearly in her position.. al fateha buatnya.. yg telah pergi..