Nenek

Words can show how much we miss you..
Everytime i wanted to write an entry about u after that Monday..
I jus cant.. i kept closing the browser..went to bed and cried my hearts out..
Was supposed to finish my assignment..but pictures of u distracted me..
In d dark of d night..with tears dripping down.. i compiled ur pics..
SInce that Monday..i'd been crying myself to sleep...
Now whenever i look at ur ring.. d brooch my aunts and uncles agreed for me to keep..
Tears will just flow non stop..i have to start somewhere kan nenek..so i decide ..maybe now ..
Now is a good time.. i have to face it kan nenek..face it that u're no longer around..
No longer around to watch us all grow.. married..have kids... ur cicit..watch us all laugh..joke around..teasing one another..
You're there..dgnNya... we'll pray for u nenek... n you'll do the same for us kan..
D thought of not having u around whenever we go Cik Yah's house..it jus breaks me..
Yeah setiap pemergian..tentu ada sesalannya..
Sesal..y didnt i come on Sat..sesal y i didnt come again on Sunday evening..
But still ..nothing can take that sesal from me.. from all of us..
Tapi syukur kepadanya..that time i spent wif u..laying beside u..
Massaging ur right thigh..talking to u...even with tears my eyes.. it was worth it..jus u n me.. talkin..
But little did i expect it was to be last ...
The last for everything..
U left us all.. 715am..Monday 7 Jan 08..peacefully in Papa's arms..with Cik Yah by your side..
You're in a better place now nenek.. no more poking needles.. sucky nurses n doctors to bother u..u can have all d soup bontot and soup kaki u want..ur nearer kepadaNya..
Nenek we miss u..
Al fateha buat Hajah Zainon Bte Omar..my nenek tersayang..



Bunda
ku buka album birupenuh debu dan usangku pandangi semua gambar dirikecil bersih belum ternoda
pikirkupun melayangdahulu penuh kasihteringat semua cerita orangtentang riwayatku

reff#kata mereka diriku slalu dimanjakata mereka diriku slalu dtimang

nada nada yang indahslalu terurai darinyatangisan nakal dari bibirkutakkan jadi deritanya

tangan halus dan sucitlah mengangkat diri inijiwa raga dan seluruh hiduprela dia berikan

oh bunda ada dan tiadadirimu kan slalu ada di dalamhatiku ...

Dilemma of Ayubi's Ibu

A branded bag to reward meself??

Or a new stroller..diaper bag..an ergo carrier and a birthday celeb fer Ayubi

1 bag can get many many more items??

Hmmm dilemma dilemma...

Life is such..

On Thurs..Mama called.. said.. I've got bad news...

I was thinkin of d worst.. abt that unconcious woman her sons..

But wat i heard..was...she separated from her hub... n no its not that unconcious woman i'm talkin abt...

I was sad.. it made me sadder still when Mama added.. she don wan her kids and wans her mum (MM) to look after them.. i nearly cried... Mir and Ikh..they are still young!! they need u!!
the irony was that.. for class on wed.. we were told to choose a topic from child abuse...divorce..family violence and maid watevers..n i chose DIVORCE!! n this happens d next day...wat happen?? where did u guys went wrong? Wat led u astray?? I tot u left that 'habit' of urs?

I m sad.. this have to happen..jodoh di tangan tuhan kan.... *sigh*

And today...as i was about to leave the centre.. i received an sms..from mrsmereee...

dat sms..really stabbed my heart...i felt suffocated..

i canceled our plans for this wkend... lookin fwd to meet my sec sch chums..

to catch up on d latest news.. to chit chat.. to tease one another.. its not happenin...d weddin... hmmm its not materialising...i feeel so sad for her..when i got d sms..

i was think to myself.. mayb its another city..mayb its another nhaz.

.but reality hits me hard... i only know one city and nhaz who r together..

n r suppose to get married thiw wkend..auw shucks... mrsmereee called...

asked if we could do din... but was tired n we couldnt agree on d location so

she filled me in details on d phone.. i felt empty.. i felt sad..i felt like as if it

happened to me.. again rewind..that feelin..when A left.. empty..hurt..lost..

angry..sad all mixed together..

but..A was d past...it was jus a phase..

but u my dear..it was love.. engagement n..impending weddin...

all canceled..jus wks..

my dear i wish i could hug u and cry wif u..i was that ignorant.. n i m so so sorry...

take all d time u need.. baby steps.. we r here.. for u..

weekend was gd.. it was yan's weddin..i love d putu piring...n yes d bone steak n dat roti arab dini made.. yum yum...hungry again!!wif all d things that are happening ard me.. i feel so so blessed that i have my dearest hubby..who'll do d balancing act wif me.. who'll make me look things on his side rather then only on my side.... my sister..whom i can pour all my sorrows..happiness to my bitching partner n lastly my super active boy..who never fail to make me smile n laff no matter how dark n gloomy my day was..

oh boy! i've grown up have i!

*wipes wipes*

Angry!!

Somethin made me very angry today..
So angry that i feel like puking...
Fungkulo!!

SChool...

I start sch ..today!!
n i'm so tired....

7 yrs ago

7 yrs ago we met virtually..

Those midnite msns..midnite chats..overseas phonecall in d wee hrs..

Those lengthy emails..sent and replied..

Poems.. brought us together.. u were a sucker fer it.. n ur still are..

We were separated when ur comp. goes haywire...

U just started working at intel..

Working hrs were sucky..u were uncontactable..

D frequent emails..soon became rare..

U were so caught up wif work u forgot about me..

There i was.. jealous thinking of ur ex TV3 newscaster girlfriend..

Who hoped u guys could get together..who lived around ur vicinity.. while me?

Thousand miles away from you..thinking if our relationship would ever materialize..

It didnt..the last email u sent me was about..british shoes.. n british clothings.. about having leftover half spring chicken for buka and sahur..n that was it..though some ppl might find it boring.. i dont.. i like to read ur emails..ur short msns..

I was left hanging..U left me hanging...

Well who am i compared to those bigwigs right..

U disappeared.. n he came back...

He came and asked for a second chance.. i waited for u.. i tried to reach u but i jus cant..

After a few months.. i decided to take up the challenge and gave him a second chance..

After all..he was d one before u..

N so we were back together.. n u .. still missing..

I decided then.. to put u away.. in a box i called past..n embrace the present...

We were happy.. he decided not to take me fer granted ever again..

Months later..u beeped me..

U said u were at Continental..for a seminar n that u wanna c me..

I was unsure...after missing for a yrs plus.. u came back..

I had to decide...him or u..

It was a tough decision..but d present overcomes the past.. the present win hands down..

My decision.. was to leave u as my past.. n live on with my present....

I know u were someone then.. only u didnt wan to tell me.. u were that low profile..



7yrs later.. here i am.. watching G&G n saw u as the screenwriter..

A quick google.. there u were..a renown writer..scriptwriter..screenwriter..watever they call u..

Its nice to rake up the past once in a while..

Its nice to know ur there...

*smiles*

X

Rants..

I've so so much things to rant about..
But unfortunately..there's more work to do than to rant..

So shall let it rest first..

for now..these are what i have to do
-classroom
-PTC files
-cubbies
-shoeracks
-pictures
-books!
-prepare for sch

i need a getaway..after all this!

School?!?

I'm going to school again..
A yr break.. n next wk.. back to school..
I hope i can still take it..
From what Tin said.. its like.. full of research..
Insya allah.. wif all d support and encouragement..

School means ..less time wif Ayubi...
Only wkends..

Hmmmm really have to step it up!!

Earthbound

I was bloghopping.. as usual.. when i cam across this blog..

shall not mention names here..

i think for a while she was happy with her family..with the new car.. new career.. then sth must have happened.. that broke her family.. she n hub decide to split..

Reading her posts.. i could almost feel her pain.. tho i dunno her personally..

I think she was my junior but i dun remember bumping into her last time..

I dunno y.. when i read her posts..d memories of how i felt when i broke off with A flashed by.. of how sad..crazy..angry i was at that time...d look on Mama's face when she saw me wif those dreaded stiqs...

I felt low...really really low...we were even married to begin with...but still.. that emptiness feeling..that

N now... i felt low for her.. sad for her..i hope she stay strong.. though everytime its easy to say... but to be it.. it is very difficult..

I hope will all my heart that everything will go well for u =)...

Jalan Raya with d Fam...

Saturday was a day spent with family...

Nana had her very late jalanraya..

We kick start the day by visiting Ayubi's nenek n atuk ..my fil and step mil..@ Bt Panjang..

Auntie my step mil, cooked fried bee hoon, fried chicks and a fillipino hmmm dessert..banana wrapped in popiah skin and fried.. that was delish.. hmmm must remember to fry some later..chit chat..she shared wif Mama about Ayubi...watched a bit of fillipino entertainment show..(wonder if Ayubi will pick up tagalog..ahaks!) said our gdbyes and left fer pertapis halfway house.. to catch Insyirah in action...

But we were stucked in a traffic jam after Eng Neo and we missed Insyirah's performance.. she was so hmmm mentel in her ala mimpi manis blue kabaya.. so mentel.. saw my ex pr sch mate there.. Siti Suhana Salim wow i can remember her full name sia.. aha!

We then went to Mami's, Cik Yah's,Hambali's, Hambali's nenek and Cik Lala's...Ayubi lepak at Cik Lala's house..he was so dead beat that he didnt even wake up for his 5am milk feed.. my playful son...

Enough..

of those unhappy things...

let's move on to the happier things..

firstly i'm so so glad that my home is back as usual.. calm.. quiet.. peaceful..serene...

secondly...Ayubi's teething!! like finally! had been waiting and waiting to c that white sight! he's also taking few steps.. at 7 mths he can stand on his own while hanging on to something, he can sit upright, roll about, crawl, and jabbers!! d first jabbers i heard was 'nananananananana'.. my dear baby... i had u in my tummy for 10 months and the first word u can say is Nana?? ur Ummi's name?? n d next word i heard was dadadadadaddada.. ur uncle's name?? Dada was very excited when he heard that.. kept boasting to everyone that Ayubi can say his name hahahha...

thirdly... the outing with d xGmss was great!! we enjoyed ourselves..we kept reminiscing the times we had in sch.. d notty times... the good times.. d crazy times... n now no more GMSS.. such a pity!

fourthly.. cant wait for this saturday n sunday.. last kopek for jalan raya.. saturday with Mama to d inlaws..to Mami's n sunday... wif d gang of brothers!!

more pics in my multiply...

Orang Yg tak Sedar diri..

Either u're asleep all this while..
High on those pills..
Or maybe in denial..

6years ago..
U broke a company..

N now
U wanna break a family?

Not a chance..
Remember Allah is great?
May u get what u deserve

Even tho not in dunia
There's always akhirat..

Remind u again..
Allah is great!!

Some things...

Some things never change..
D time we have alone..
Talking...
Non stop.. we can go on forever..
I like it how u complete me..
In everything..
When we actually don in sec skool..

D Weekend

Oh well..first things first.. fetched Ayubi last evening n how i wish i could drive n not bother his ummi to drive me there..
Poor Nana! Had to take a break in d midst of studyin for her neverending exams to drive me there..

He has grown taller since d last time i saw him which was a few days ago..
Reach home, as usual.. spend some tummy time wif his Grandma n Ummi.
Was feedin him dinner, heard some shufflings outside d gate.
Though it was his Uncle Dada..but saw his Ayah..member apalagi so excited..kickin his legs in excitement..

Sen did his prayers..after that we took a ride to IMM to get Ayubi's play pen..won't wanna another accident to happen..so before it happen better to take precaution right?

Bought a cheep cheep one as Ayubi will only be using it for wkends..went back...set it up.. playtime with Ayubi while d Ayah dozed off to dreamland.. poor hub of mine.. reservist penat eh ehhehe....

D ehrrmmm first real fall...

Ayubi had his first real fall today.. d first one was @ his FIL's place....but he actually fell on a stack of pillows and blanket.. so ehm i don actually take that as his first fall.. ahahha

While this time..no pillows no nothing.. jus him and d cold floor.. d feeling was..URGHHHHH!!! but no point getting angry at anyone..dat moment was jus..'is he ok??' n after checking all's well.. d next thing was 'oh shot! wat would FIL say!!??!!' My FIL is VERY, i repeat VERY protective of his one and only grandson..well push that aside let my beloved husband answer his dad becoz he was d one at fault.. n the next thinking was..'SHUCKS today all d neneks coming, they will sure nag at me!!'...tak payah tunggu lama2 keluar bilik je.. Mama dah start bising..

M:'Dia jatuh kan (sambil carry the crying Ayubi) Mama dah cakap dah.. tak dengar.. go n buy a proper cot lar!'

Me: 'Oklah (still shocked n near to tears).

Mama nag nag nag nag.. i jus listened lor..

In d midst of Mama's naggings his ummi came out of her room..biasa la ummi Ayubi tu drama skit...

Wat happen was.. his cot was at FIL's place becoz they were afraid he would fall off d bed there so as we were busy this wk wif Sen doin d late shift n me wif i dunno wat hahah we didnt get a new cot in time for Ayubi when he came home on Fri. so we make do wif many many pillows, comforters.. on d bed and none on d floor.. *silly us*. Everything was fine on Saturday n it happen today.. this mornin.. i was still sleepy from d effects of d medicine..while Sen was still groggy after solat subuh.. he didnt realise his son had squeezed between d gap of the pillows and well.. d rest is history!! Iced his forehead..much to his annoyance.. rub rub wif ummi's hair..which i remembered last time when i was young, Nenek used to do that when i have bumps and buahluku wherever..he was up n active like normal.. like nothing happened... observed him for fever.. or vomitting..lethargic.. so far he's ok.. eatin well.sleeps like normal...Sen n i .. told each other that we would only confess what happen if FIL should ever asked.. n he didnt so we kept mump.. yes we were guilty as charged!! should have got him the cot!!! Just told Auntie to observe if he should develop a fever to call me as he might have caught it from me. due to d constant kissing ..huggings n lovealls...

Just called him a while ago.. n Auntie said that he had a nitemare n was crying badly but all was good after a bottle of milk..poor baby of mine.. make me feel even worse when i hear that.. i wish i don have to work n i can look after him all d time.. but *sigh* i cant..

Lesson learnt..

Put pillows and comforters on d floor too!!!

Lousy!

I really feel lousy..
With the nose that's fickle..
Sometimes running and sometimes blocked..
The head that keeps throbbing...
No matter how many pills i popped..

Hopefully i wont pass this to my baby when i fetch him later =(..

Ayubi..Sen n I..

Time pass real fast..soon Ayubi's gonna be 7mths..
it still feels like yesterday i had him in my tummy..wif him wriggling ard every now n then..
..giving birth to him...hahahha thats another story altogether..
yeah talking about that.. i've yet to pen down my birth story.. after what?? 7mths?? those memories wont fade away.. my first experience will always be in my mind...

Motherhood is fun..challenging ..tiring..but also exciting..
Sen was always there to support me..my aunts..my mum..Nana were all there to lend me a helpin hand whenever i need help..
Ayubi..he was an easy baby..rarely cry..only merengek a bit whenever he wants attention..or he's hungry..n now at 6mths plus..he's still an easy baby..friendly..smiles often..n not afraid of strangers hahah..he can follow anybody..whenever we go out.. mesti kena pinjam..

On working days, we will send him either on monday or tues to my step mil's house and fetch him on thurs or fri..and during his stay there we try to squeeze in time to visit him..play wif him..jus spend time wif him..yeah m not proud that we r wkend parents..but this is the arrangement we have to agree with for time being..insya allah till i finish studying.. n yes i am studying again!! hope i can manage.. get it done n over with...n then can think of the next step later..

N yes..we r still stayin at my parents' house.. for now lar.. till d investment plan matures..then we'll shift back...

I love my family..no matter watever happens..at the end of d day..they are still my family..

Meanwhile raya pics are up.@ariesseira.multiply.com.... =)

Our Life

I've always..think short term rather than long term.. n d results always make me upset with myself..

This ramadhan..things happen.. i get upset..sad..angry..disappointed..emotions run wild..n syukur kepadanya..Sen is always there to keep me sane..

cant wait for Humps to join us..

Just for...

Me!!!

• Fold clothes --->done!!
• Ambil baju fron Nenek Ju's house--->done!!tq de for running d errand!
• Wash and dry baju
• Put $$ in d envelopes --->done!! left d in laws, neneks n parents
• Plan Saturday's schedule
• Prepare Ayubi's clothes,bibs,clothes
• Sterilise Ayubi's bottles (All of them) --->done!
• Find Ayubi's dark snowie ---> found!!
• If got time take cabas from Long..
• Hang curtains ---> done!!
• Change bedsheets
• Sweep and mop and wangi2 --->done!! but need to buy more candles n air freshener

Dateline: TODAY!!!!

N so..

I've decided.. to blogspot again..
but darn.. i can retrieve my archives from ariesseira.blogspot.com..sien..
memories there..d rants.. d happy times.. my weddin moments.. all gone..
nvm.. memories are etched in my mind.. ferever..
n to start new journeys in life.. start with..

Our son...

AYUBI!!

So sepet right?? I am not sure where he get those eyes from hehe.. coz i dun think i am sepet ..Sen's not sepet too.. ah well.. maybe when he grows bigger..d sepetness will hilang..

He's 6mths now..still as fair..seems to get fairer and fairer as days goes by..looks more like me..though his features are his ayah's..Mama,Nana,Cik Ida said he looks like my FIL..i dunno..mayb so mayb not..mayb at times?? He's a real charmer..i can just sit and look at him doing his act.. and just do nothing..hahah ...

tsk..typed a whole list n suddenly it's gone..poof!???