Pisses me off...

i hate that stupid liar liar pants on fire..
I had it..
I m so glad we are moving out of yem yone..
Wif stupid theraphy..liarliar..YX's mother..
Liarliar gave us a 'no' for if she feels welcome whenever she comes to the centre...
NG confronted her and she said ' well only u n TN would say good morning to me when i come'
F u!!U blind or deaf?? Or both??wat the hell was i doing when i see u then?
these yem yone ppl are so f ed up!!
5 years ..we were there..teach ur kids.. delivering the curriculum.. sharing our love n care..
n at the end of the 5 yrs this is wat we get??
i m so disappointed.. so so disappointed...
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so frustating!!!

Raya came....

 

Spot the difference..

The first pic look kinda empty huh...

First raya without Nenek... d first raya i felt so empty...

We all met for a while.. i dunlike d kind arrangement we had that day..

it all happened so fast..

Taking the family pic was d most looked-forward event of d day...

Cousins...aunties would touch up their make up..uncles would set up their trpods and camera in order to get the best shot..

Families would scramble for the best 'seats' to get their faces properly shot by the cameras..

We wouls take a loooooong time.. but it was all fun...

This yr..it was pap...pap and done...

You'll nvr know when ur last moments will be right =(...

D eve of raya...i stayed home..coz i remembered Cik Ida said nenek would visit us...

D share of money i had for nenek... was donated to d mosque..in her name...

Al fateha buat nya...

Awful..

I dunno if i should feel affected or not..

But i guess ppl who knows me knows that i am already affected to begin with..

My heart is broken.. n i jus cant seem to pick up d pieces..

Well some ppl say it either break u or make u..

D instincts is to strong..ah heck it...silence doesnt mean ur right n i'm wrong...

lets just leave it as that.. as this.. fullstop...

Rindu..

here i am.. surfing the net while making cookies for raya..

couldnt help feeling empty..

i miss her.. she would call n ask.. "Aries buat kueh berapa macam tahun ni?"

And i would answer her accordingly..

Or.."Hari ni buka apa? Aries masak apa?"

I remembered...i used to tell her i couldnt cook.. i'm bad at it and she would retort ..

"Senang la nak masak.. masak apa? Ayam lemak cili padi? Senang... pergi beli.. nanti nenek masakkan..."

Now eventually when i can cook.. she's no longer around.. to taste my cooking...

Ayubi talks alot now.. once in a while he would call out "Nyang...nyang" or he would point out 'Nyang' in the photo..'Nyang carrying him'..

I'm sure his Nyang would be delighted to hear him talk.. to see him toddling here n there,..

But all his Nyang could witness was his birth.. his wailings.. his cryings.. colic.. where she tended to him..chatting with his ayah while his ibu surrended to tiredness...

Once in a while.. Sen would recall back that night where she shared her life wif him.. he was fortunate to hear all those stories..me? i guess i took her for granted..believed that she would stay longer..i was wrong...

whenever Sen shared wif me those stories.. i would cry buckets.. regrets.. that i took her for granted..

i've always tot i was second best to her.. little that i know... i was always d first.. d first in her eyes...

Years back it was during this time too..ramadhan.. she was here...she nagged...Nana n I.. we danced.. we called her nags techno music.. we danced to her nags.. but now... no nags to dance to..

This raya.. is diff..no nenek to hug..to salam.. to kiss.. to ask for forgiveness..told Sen that d money that is meant for nenek, is to b donated...

Yes life goes on..but its different.. just so different..

Nek.. Aries rindu...

I'm floating

Ah.. i cant describe my feelings.. i feel so YEAY!!!!
Finally the dreaded practicum by a certain person is over!!
Im over the moon!!
I can start baking kuehs now..
I was so afraid i would flunk.. coz a few of my peers flunked.. n i was so so afraid.. but now its all over.. and i passed!!! just need to settle my practicum folder n then i'm done.. anothe dip to add to d name =) yeah!!
And Bibi coming home tonight double yeay!!!
Cant wait to meet him!

ECE

I was very upset on Monday..
Very very upset..
Some people might think that its easy being the ECE field..

Yes some people might think ECE = teacher children ABC, count 123..lunch time let them eat.. show time, let them shower and go home time just say goodbye...

Well it don work that way honey!!

We attend to the child's physical, emotional, intellectual and social needs..
We play the roles of mummys and daddys too..

But apparently these people don see it that way....

Its not easy being in this field..
Attend to children's needs.. parents demands.. meet expectations..
The list just goes on..

My 9th yr in this field and never have i felt so drained.. never...

I don feel up to it anymore..
N having to handle J is even more draining..

His tantrums!! Ah!! Tires me out...
I'm not giving up.. its just that.. d support is never there.. no matter watever i did .. to help him.. is never supported by the youknowwho..
It is so frustrating...
It is so not fair that i have to spend more time on him and waste my teachingtime to discipline him.. disrupt my lessons.. always!! I hate it!!

Well i guess whateverdoesnt kill me makes me stronger..

Pay aint great.. long hours..
Arghhhh i used to love what i'm doing.. but now..

*sigh*
i guess i've change.. i wish i can just stay home and look after Ayubi 24/7..
But i guess.. that will only happen in my dreams for now =(...

Right n Wrong...

I am so so worried...

I guess wat Papa said is true.. maybe there r reasons to why 'he' is being treated this way...

i was shocked.. to see something that i rather not see coming from someone close to me..

d feeling was urgh!! i dunno should i cry.. laugh or jus keep mum.. i was so angry.. sad n disappointed..

i gave him a tongue lashing.. of coz he panicked when i found out.. tried to make excuses.. but i know him too well..

i m so so worried.. this is just not d time.. not yet.. we don wan to deal wif this now..

i guess 'he' has to be ban from this home.. for the time being..

i dunno how to react if i should see him d next time... look so kesian.. so innocent.. so wronged.. but then.. its not the truth..

i m so so worried...i dun wan this attitude this 'teachings' of his to be passed around.. no i dun wan...

Papa brought this family up with blood tears n sweat.. instilled d right values.. d right and the wrongs and no way m i gonna let 'he' destroy it...

Just no way....

Jacob Ballas Garden

Had half a day @ Jacob Ballas Garden wif d kids..
Regrets didnt bring Ayubi there =(
Mayb this wkend..missing him already..

Ayubi n Grandpa

I love watching Papa and AYubi bonding together..
Papa is just like Tok Ayah..
Very much..

Hmmm wonder how's Papa coping with my active clockwork..
They're out.. visiting Cik Din =)
Hmmm wonder wat that uncle of mine has to say when he meets Ayubi..
He's a grandfather now..
He should behave better.insya allah..

Sleepless on a Wednesday Nite

I am so critical here..i cant help i t..
Made me regret being so willing ..yes mayb i had no choice .. but i could have made the choice that i wanted .. i didnt make that choice .. n it just adds on ...

I couldnt sleep last night ..i miss nenek ..mental pictures of her .. her voice ..kept coming back to me ..
D episode where i had complications during Ayubi's birth ..i remembered .. waking up and saw her at the foot of the bed .. crying .. i couldnt help crying myself .. i was so scred .. lost dunno whats gonna happen ...she cried .. n cried..
D episode where .. i had cold chendol .. and she said 'Nenek bilang Mokhsen, Aries munim air sejuk ...' i rebutted, 'Abih Nenek minum kopi .. nanti Aries bilang Cik Yah'...=) brought tears and smiles at d same time ..

Its sad to see things happening after her departure .. some were for d better ...some... was not a nice sight to c or even stories to hear ... it sure disappoints me .. ah well ... this is the harsh reality of life ...

al fateha buat nenek ..
we miss u =(

Saturday @ Kampung Glam

My lil fam went to Arab St.. to get material for d coming Raya.
aha puasa belum.. baju raya dah buat.. kiasuness..
As usual Momo cannot stand my haggling over d diff materials..
he and Ayubi waited for me by the roadside..
Me being a woman.. took my time choosing the materials..
In d end.. pick the same as Buddy's but in diff colour..

No plans for d day.. so decided to take a walk along Arab St.
I remembered when i was young.. Papa n Mama.. would take me and Nana..
To arab st.. to walk walk.. i remembered d bakul2 shop.. the bakul2 shop is still there now..we would walk and take photos of the old shophouses..Papa would tell us stories about shophouses ..who stays there.. some snippets of history that he know..
Hmmmm Papa.. a sucker for histories.. n politics hahaha

So we walked..wanted to have a tour of d SUltan Mosque.. but was not in the proper attire=( Ayubi pointed here and there.. mumbling in his own language..
Went to Kampung Glam..wanted to view d gallery there.. before realising that we don have enough cash.. dat is the thing abt me n Momo.. we rely too much on our atm cards ...we don withdraw money coz we always have this thinking that we can find an atm nearby.. well tough luck for us this time..
So wat was left for us to do? Hmm just walk around.. Ayubi wanted to be carried ..didnt wanna walk..

'Ayah, ri pls' --> Ayah carry pls
so we umpan him wif the umbrella i brought along (d sky was grey u c..)
Told him thats it's an umbrella.. he mumbled mumbled..

'wah wah..'

His favourite..most tods favourite.. water 'Ay.ey..ayey..'

Made him walk on d grass but he ran quickly to Momo..

AFter all that.. went Clementi for late lunch.. n home sweet home..
Wanted to fetch Cik Ida back from HongKong..but Ush came.. Mama's asleep so we had to entertain them... Ayubi called Iin 'Adik adik..' like he is d abang.. ahhaha

The Many Strollers..

My hands' itching again..to get Ayubi.. a new stroller hahah
Papa is sure gonna yell at me..
Currently Ayubi is using Quinny Zapp.. though it folds to like an arm's length..
its heavy..
And kinda diff to carry ard if i'm out alone with him..
He has a Maclaren Volo at his Nenek's house for those short trips to the market..
And another Quinny Speedi in a box hahaha..
It was a present from his Ummie and Grandma.. nak jual sayang..
So still in a box..hmmmm
Tot of getting the Maclaren quest mod.. hmmm
Hmmmmm

26th June 08 Thurs Mama's bday..

Mama and Papa..hmmm i so so wanna be like them..d happier parts..d giler2 parts...


Mama n her only son...


Mama and her 2 daughters.. 1 big 1 small ahhaha

Momo and Hams.. not around.. both night shift...

Papa bought her the cake..we bought her a batignolle.. kopak sak..but ok la once a yr.. hahhaha love u Mama..though u sometimes like d wind.. often angin hehehe

The New Member..

After much deliberation..

Welcome to another gadget to add to my collection of gadgets..

-ariessen.ayubi-

hmmm i think thats the last purchase for this month...oooopps..

Urgent Leave wif Bi

Fetched Bi last night..
Auntie said he was running a slight fever.. but boy was he still active!
Miss my Bi.. he was excited to go home..
Sat in the taxi..ooohing..and ahiiing at things...
My clever Bi..
At home.. no more fever.. but the runs... ooh.. poor Bi.. but he was cool..
Everytime he pooed.. he would just say 'Yak yak...' and would head to the toilet..tugging his diapers..
Took urgent leave today..to care for my sick Bi.. fever back again.. vomitted once and runs again..
Was so afraid that he would get stomach flu.. but it all died down by late noon.. so wasnt worried as much..
Time spent at home wif him.. priceless..
We kinda got in a routine.. woke up.. play.. breakfast.. milk then sleep...
Wake up... shower... play..play..lunch...then sleep...
He is such a pleasure to watch...
He fed himself for breakfast today.. was fun to watch him.. hahaha though it gets messy..
Its common ..like d todds in sch...
My Bi.. growing up =)

..SCooop..Scooopp...

In yer mouth..

..Plenty of water to wash down all that food...

..Let's surf the web... like Ibu

..Don forget yer sunnies when you go out!..

Miss him..

Though.. we had 2 solid days with Ayubi..
I think it wasnt enough... i'm missing him now and am contemplating of picking him up and bringing him home.. but Momo has to send him back tomoro mornin.. n i'm afraid Momo would be too tired to do so.. =(..
Hmmmm

I miss u Bibi..

Remember..

16th June 08 Monday..
Is truly a day to remember..
Ayubi was locked in d car..alone!
As usual.. Momo is being himself..
d blur..forgetful being he always is..
No matter how blur or forgetful he is.. i still love him loads..
Sent me to work..After putting Ayubi in d carseat... He slam shut d back door and d door auto locked..
Luckily..my workplace and our house were nearby..Called Papa and got him to bring his set of keys down..
I was near to tears.. poor Bibi.. all alone..
Luckily he whined abit.. called fer AYah.. n tadaaa.. Papa came.. running from d pathway all to my workplace..
Momo was so angry with himself..
So i went back to work.. Momo drove Papa back and sent Ayubi to his Nenek's..
Called Auntie during lunchtime n asked how's Ayubi.. did he had nightmare while having his nap.. or was he cranky etc..
Auntie said he was fine.. played wif Aisah..Afifah and Al'ya..
Oh so d cousins were there.. great.. =)..


Well..back from Malacca.. d kampung stay was scary aha.. me being the wuss.. had to get Nabila or Atin to accompany me in d toilet during d night showers or to the car just to get stuffs.. it was eerie la ..hahah
But we enjoyed d trip..Ayubi was d king in car.. Papa n Mama allowed him to roam..climb.. jump etc in d car.. they didnt put him in his carseat.. he was literraly allowed to do watever he want..
A'famosa.. sucks.. d water ..euww dirty..but d time spent wif d half of the Yahya family was well priceless..
I remembered we went A'famosa..years back..i was single at that time.. Momo was playing d hard to get game..Yantty tagged along.. oh yeah we slept at the kampung too..

Yantty.. i miss her.. as usual.. things are always not d same after marriage.. different commitmen and priorities..Yafith..hmmm getting engage soon.. happy fer him.. though deep inside i wished for the impossible aha!

Oh well..have yet to get kain for our baju kurung.. n i wanna get a big bag for raya.. to fit Momo's..Ayubi's and my stuffs..

Hmmm pink and brown... hmmmm

Stilll...

Poppy Red came to visit me..
It is uncomfortable to change in d public toilets or someone else's place..
So i dragged Momo to Cik yah's place.. to pee and change myself..

After d changing episode.. subconciously.. i found myself walking to Abil's room.. the room where Nenek spent her last few moments with me..looked around the room.. not much changes.. everything were pretty much the same..
Opened her cupboard..n saw her clothes were replaced with Naziha's pretty coloured dresses..then it hit me.. again... Nenek wasnt around anymore...
So many events and happenings but Nenek is not around to enjoy and celebrate it wif us =(.

Nenek al fateha buat Nenek.. yg sentiasa Aries
sayang..


_________________________________________

Had fun yesterday.. hahahhaha yesterday was indian mode.. *private joke!*
the girls were hilarious.. including Boy and Momo.. Boy and Momo seems to be in d same crazy frequency.. yeah la anak tak de so feeling single right.. till d next outing =)

June..d Many Birthdays..

-Insyirah
-Nana and
-Naufal....

Hmmm wat to get fer them..
Nana's settled.. Naufal more or less i have in mind wat to get for him.. left SYirah.. that cerewet maknenek... hmmmm

Batam trip sucks.. was so disappointed.. but we enjoyed each other's company.. though we would have enjoyed more if we were given the things we paid for..
sienz=(

Presents...

Momo is never good with pressies...
He's always like 'U buy first then claim from me ok..'..
So i 'warned' him early this yr.. i dun wanna buy and claim.. i wan him to buy..
be it bday presents or any other presents..
So yes it was different.. we had a walk at the nearest mall aha!..
We walked into a watch shop.. i wanted to c..d emporio i missed..
He asked d price for a nautica chrono..he said he liked it.. i said it was cool.. n it started..
Momo:'u said its cool.. n i like it so i shall get it for u..'
Aries:'hmm..but i don go diving.. and its really huge..let me consider..'
Momo:'No its either now or not.. quick..'
Aries:'I like d smaller one'
Momo:'ok done. ..somethin diff this time'
Aries:'yeah by threatening =('

After much hagglng..like maknenek... he got me or rather he got us.. d non diver nautica.. thks eh =) for d watch n d g bag..=) love love..