Rindu..

here i am.. surfing the net while making cookies for raya..

couldnt help feeling empty..

i miss her.. she would call n ask.. "Aries buat kueh berapa macam tahun ni?"

And i would answer her accordingly..

Or.."Hari ni buka apa? Aries masak apa?"

I remembered...i used to tell her i couldnt cook.. i'm bad at it and she would retort ..

"Senang la nak masak.. masak apa? Ayam lemak cili padi? Senang... pergi beli.. nanti nenek masakkan..."

Now eventually when i can cook.. she's no longer around.. to taste my cooking...

Ayubi talks alot now.. once in a while he would call out "Nyang...nyang" or he would point out 'Nyang' in the photo..'Nyang carrying him'..

I'm sure his Nyang would be delighted to hear him talk.. to see him toddling here n there,..

But all his Nyang could witness was his birth.. his wailings.. his cryings.. colic.. where she tended to him..chatting with his ayah while his ibu surrended to tiredness...

Once in a while.. Sen would recall back that night where she shared her life wif him.. he was fortunate to hear all those stories..me? i guess i took her for granted..believed that she would stay longer..i was wrong...

whenever Sen shared wif me those stories.. i would cry buckets.. regrets.. that i took her for granted..

i've always tot i was second best to her.. little that i know... i was always d first.. d first in her eyes...

Years back it was during this time too..ramadhan.. she was here...she nagged...Nana n I.. we danced.. we called her nags techno music.. we danced to her nags.. but now... no nags to dance to..

This raya.. is diff..no nenek to hug..to salam.. to kiss.. to ask for forgiveness..told Sen that d money that is meant for nenek, is to b donated...

Yes life goes on..but its different.. just so different..

Nek.. Aries rindu...