Raya came....

 

Spot the difference..

The first pic look kinda empty huh...

First raya without Nenek... d first raya i felt so empty...

We all met for a while.. i dunlike d kind arrangement we had that day..

it all happened so fast..

Taking the family pic was d most looked-forward event of d day...

Cousins...aunties would touch up their make up..uncles would set up their trpods and camera in order to get the best shot..

Families would scramble for the best 'seats' to get their faces properly shot by the cameras..

We wouls take a loooooong time.. but it was all fun...

This yr..it was pap...pap and done...

You'll nvr know when ur last moments will be right =(...

D eve of raya...i stayed home..coz i remembered Cik Ida said nenek would visit us...

D share of money i had for nenek... was donated to d mosque..in her name...

Al fateha buat nya...

Awful..

I dunno if i should feel affected or not..

But i guess ppl who knows me knows that i am already affected to begin with..

My heart is broken.. n i jus cant seem to pick up d pieces..

Well some ppl say it either break u or make u..

D instincts is to strong..ah heck it...silence doesnt mean ur right n i'm wrong...

lets just leave it as that.. as this.. fullstop...

Rindu..

here i am.. surfing the net while making cookies for raya..

couldnt help feeling empty..

i miss her.. she would call n ask.. "Aries buat kueh berapa macam tahun ni?"

And i would answer her accordingly..

Or.."Hari ni buka apa? Aries masak apa?"

I remembered...i used to tell her i couldnt cook.. i'm bad at it and she would retort ..

"Senang la nak masak.. masak apa? Ayam lemak cili padi? Senang... pergi beli.. nanti nenek masakkan..."

Now eventually when i can cook.. she's no longer around.. to taste my cooking...

Ayubi talks alot now.. once in a while he would call out "Nyang...nyang" or he would point out 'Nyang' in the photo..'Nyang carrying him'..

I'm sure his Nyang would be delighted to hear him talk.. to see him toddling here n there,..

But all his Nyang could witness was his birth.. his wailings.. his cryings.. colic.. where she tended to him..chatting with his ayah while his ibu surrended to tiredness...

Once in a while.. Sen would recall back that night where she shared her life wif him.. he was fortunate to hear all those stories..me? i guess i took her for granted..believed that she would stay longer..i was wrong...

whenever Sen shared wif me those stories.. i would cry buckets.. regrets.. that i took her for granted..

i've always tot i was second best to her.. little that i know... i was always d first.. d first in her eyes...

Years back it was during this time too..ramadhan.. she was here...she nagged...Nana n I.. we danced.. we called her nags techno music.. we danced to her nags.. but now... no nags to dance to..

This raya.. is diff..no nenek to hug..to salam.. to kiss.. to ask for forgiveness..told Sen that d money that is meant for nenek, is to b donated...

Yes life goes on..but its different.. just so different..

Nek.. Aries rindu...

I'm floating

Ah.. i cant describe my feelings.. i feel so YEAY!!!!
Finally the dreaded practicum by a certain person is over!!
Im over the moon!!
I can start baking kuehs now..
I was so afraid i would flunk.. coz a few of my peers flunked.. n i was so so afraid.. but now its all over.. and i passed!!! just need to settle my practicum folder n then i'm done.. anothe dip to add to d name =) yeah!!
And Bibi coming home tonight double yeay!!!
Cant wait to meet him!

ECE

I was very upset on Monday..
Very very upset..
Some people might think that its easy being the ECE field..

Yes some people might think ECE = teacher children ABC, count 123..lunch time let them eat.. show time, let them shower and go home time just say goodbye...

Well it don work that way honey!!

We attend to the child's physical, emotional, intellectual and social needs..
We play the roles of mummys and daddys too..

But apparently these people don see it that way....

Its not easy being in this field..
Attend to children's needs.. parents demands.. meet expectations..
The list just goes on..

My 9th yr in this field and never have i felt so drained.. never...

I don feel up to it anymore..
N having to handle J is even more draining..

His tantrums!! Ah!! Tires me out...
I'm not giving up.. its just that.. d support is never there.. no matter watever i did .. to help him.. is never supported by the youknowwho..
It is so frustrating...
It is so not fair that i have to spend more time on him and waste my teachingtime to discipline him.. disrupt my lessons.. always!! I hate it!!

Well i guess whateverdoesnt kill me makes me stronger..

Pay aint great.. long hours..
Arghhhh i used to love what i'm doing.. but now..

*sigh*
i guess i've change.. i wish i can just stay home and look after Ayubi 24/7..
But i guess.. that will only happen in my dreams for now =(...

Right n Wrong...

I am so so worried...

I guess wat Papa said is true.. maybe there r reasons to why 'he' is being treated this way...

i was shocked.. to see something that i rather not see coming from someone close to me..

d feeling was urgh!! i dunno should i cry.. laugh or jus keep mum.. i was so angry.. sad n disappointed..

i gave him a tongue lashing.. of coz he panicked when i found out.. tried to make excuses.. but i know him too well..

i m so so worried.. this is just not d time.. not yet.. we don wan to deal wif this now..

i guess 'he' has to be ban from this home.. for the time being..

i dunno how to react if i should see him d next time... look so kesian.. so innocent.. so wronged.. but then.. its not the truth..

i m so so worried...i dun wan this attitude this 'teachings' of his to be passed around.. no i dun wan...

Papa brought this family up with blood tears n sweat.. instilled d right values.. d right and the wrongs and no way m i gonna let 'he' destroy it...

Just no way....

Jacob Ballas Garden

Had half a day @ Jacob Ballas Garden wif d kids..
Regrets didnt bring Ayubi there =(
Mayb this wkend..missing him already..

Ayubi n Grandpa

I love watching Papa and AYubi bonding together..
Papa is just like Tok Ayah..
Very much..

Hmmm wonder how's Papa coping with my active clockwork..
They're out.. visiting Cik Din =)
Hmmm wonder wat that uncle of mine has to say when he meets Ayubi..
He's a grandfather now..
He should behave better.insya allah..

Sleepless on a Wednesday Nite

I am so critical here..i cant help i t..
Made me regret being so willing ..yes mayb i had no choice .. but i could have made the choice that i wanted .. i didnt make that choice .. n it just adds on ...

I couldnt sleep last night ..i miss nenek ..mental pictures of her .. her voice ..kept coming back to me ..
D episode where i had complications during Ayubi's birth ..i remembered .. waking up and saw her at the foot of the bed .. crying .. i couldnt help crying myself .. i was so scred .. lost dunno whats gonna happen ...she cried .. n cried..
D episode where .. i had cold chendol .. and she said 'Nenek bilang Mokhsen, Aries munim air sejuk ...' i rebutted, 'Abih Nenek minum kopi .. nanti Aries bilang Cik Yah'...=) brought tears and smiles at d same time ..

Its sad to see things happening after her departure .. some were for d better ...some... was not a nice sight to c or even stories to hear ... it sure disappoints me .. ah well ... this is the harsh reality of life ...

al fateha buat nenek ..
we miss u =(

Saturday @ Kampung Glam

My lil fam went to Arab St.. to get material for d coming Raya.
aha puasa belum.. baju raya dah buat.. kiasuness..
As usual Momo cannot stand my haggling over d diff materials..
he and Ayubi waited for me by the roadside..
Me being a woman.. took my time choosing the materials..
In d end.. pick the same as Buddy's but in diff colour..

No plans for d day.. so decided to take a walk along Arab St.
I remembered when i was young.. Papa n Mama.. would take me and Nana..
To arab st.. to walk walk.. i remembered d bakul2 shop.. the bakul2 shop is still there now..we would walk and take photos of the old shophouses..Papa would tell us stories about shophouses ..who stays there.. some snippets of history that he know..
Hmmmm Papa.. a sucker for histories.. n politics hahaha

So we walked..wanted to have a tour of d SUltan Mosque.. but was not in the proper attire=( Ayubi pointed here and there.. mumbling in his own language..
Went to Kampung Glam..wanted to view d gallery there.. before realising that we don have enough cash.. dat is the thing abt me n Momo.. we rely too much on our atm cards ...we don withdraw money coz we always have this thinking that we can find an atm nearby.. well tough luck for us this time..
So wat was left for us to do? Hmm just walk around.. Ayubi wanted to be carried ..didnt wanna walk..

'Ayah, ri pls' --> Ayah carry pls
so we umpan him wif the umbrella i brought along (d sky was grey u c..)
Told him thats it's an umbrella.. he mumbled mumbled..

'wah wah..'

His favourite..most tods favourite.. water 'Ay.ey..ayey..'

Made him walk on d grass but he ran quickly to Momo..

AFter all that.. went Clementi for late lunch.. n home sweet home..
Wanted to fetch Cik Ida back from HongKong..but Ush came.. Mama's asleep so we had to entertain them... Ayubi called Iin 'Adik adik..' like he is d abang.. ahhaha

The Many Strollers..

My hands' itching again..to get Ayubi.. a new stroller hahah
Papa is sure gonna yell at me..
Currently Ayubi is using Quinny Zapp.. though it folds to like an arm's length..
its heavy..
And kinda diff to carry ard if i'm out alone with him..
He has a Maclaren Volo at his Nenek's house for those short trips to the market..
And another Quinny Speedi in a box hahaha..
It was a present from his Ummie and Grandma.. nak jual sayang..
So still in a box..hmmmm
Tot of getting the Maclaren quest mod.. hmmm
Hmmmmm

26th June 08 Thurs Mama's bday..

Mama and Papa..hmmm i so so wanna be like them..d happier parts..d giler2 parts...


Mama n her only son...


Mama and her 2 daughters.. 1 big 1 small ahhaha

Momo and Hams.. not around.. both night shift...

Papa bought her the cake..we bought her a batignolle.. kopak sak..but ok la once a yr.. hahhaha love u Mama..though u sometimes like d wind.. often angin hehehe

The New Member..

After much deliberation..

Welcome to another gadget to add to my collection of gadgets..

-ariessen.ayubi-

hmmm i think thats the last purchase for this month...oooopps..

Urgent Leave wif Bi

Fetched Bi last night..
Auntie said he was running a slight fever.. but boy was he still active!
Miss my Bi.. he was excited to go home..
Sat in the taxi..ooohing..and ahiiing at things...
My clever Bi..
At home.. no more fever.. but the runs... ooh.. poor Bi.. but he was cool..
Everytime he pooed.. he would just say 'Yak yak...' and would head to the toilet..tugging his diapers..
Took urgent leave today..to care for my sick Bi.. fever back again.. vomitted once and runs again..
Was so afraid that he would get stomach flu.. but it all died down by late noon.. so wasnt worried as much..
Time spent at home wif him.. priceless..
We kinda got in a routine.. woke up.. play.. breakfast.. milk then sleep...
Wake up... shower... play..play..lunch...then sleep...
He is such a pleasure to watch...
He fed himself for breakfast today.. was fun to watch him.. hahaha though it gets messy..
Its common ..like d todds in sch...
My Bi.. growing up =)

..SCooop..Scooopp...

In yer mouth..

..Plenty of water to wash down all that food...

..Let's surf the web... like Ibu

..Don forget yer sunnies when you go out!..

Miss him..

Though.. we had 2 solid days with Ayubi..
I think it wasnt enough... i'm missing him now and am contemplating of picking him up and bringing him home.. but Momo has to send him back tomoro mornin.. n i'm afraid Momo would be too tired to do so.. =(..
Hmmmm

I miss u Bibi..

Remember..

16th June 08 Monday..
Is truly a day to remember..
Ayubi was locked in d car..alone!
As usual.. Momo is being himself..
d blur..forgetful being he always is..
No matter how blur or forgetful he is.. i still love him loads..
Sent me to work..After putting Ayubi in d carseat... He slam shut d back door and d door auto locked..
Luckily..my workplace and our house were nearby..Called Papa and got him to bring his set of keys down..
I was near to tears.. poor Bibi.. all alone..
Luckily he whined abit.. called fer AYah.. n tadaaa.. Papa came.. running from d pathway all to my workplace..
Momo was so angry with himself..
So i went back to work.. Momo drove Papa back and sent Ayubi to his Nenek's..
Called Auntie during lunchtime n asked how's Ayubi.. did he had nightmare while having his nap.. or was he cranky etc..
Auntie said he was fine.. played wif Aisah..Afifah and Al'ya..
Oh so d cousins were there.. great.. =)..


Well..back from Malacca.. d kampung stay was scary aha.. me being the wuss.. had to get Nabila or Atin to accompany me in d toilet during d night showers or to the car just to get stuffs.. it was eerie la ..hahah
But we enjoyed d trip..Ayubi was d king in car.. Papa n Mama allowed him to roam..climb.. jump etc in d car.. they didnt put him in his carseat.. he was literraly allowed to do watever he want..
A'famosa.. sucks.. d water ..euww dirty..but d time spent wif d half of the Yahya family was well priceless..
I remembered we went A'famosa..years back..i was single at that time.. Momo was playing d hard to get game..Yantty tagged along.. oh yeah we slept at the kampung too..

Yantty.. i miss her.. as usual.. things are always not d same after marriage.. different commitmen and priorities..Yafith..hmmm getting engage soon.. happy fer him.. though deep inside i wished for the impossible aha!

Oh well..have yet to get kain for our baju kurung.. n i wanna get a big bag for raya.. to fit Momo's..Ayubi's and my stuffs..

Hmmm pink and brown... hmmmm

Stilll...

Poppy Red came to visit me..
It is uncomfortable to change in d public toilets or someone else's place..
So i dragged Momo to Cik yah's place.. to pee and change myself..

After d changing episode.. subconciously.. i found myself walking to Abil's room.. the room where Nenek spent her last few moments with me..looked around the room.. not much changes.. everything were pretty much the same..
Opened her cupboard..n saw her clothes were replaced with Naziha's pretty coloured dresses..then it hit me.. again... Nenek wasnt around anymore...
So many events and happenings but Nenek is not around to enjoy and celebrate it wif us =(.

Nenek al fateha buat Nenek.. yg sentiasa Aries
sayang..


_________________________________________

Had fun yesterday.. hahahhaha yesterday was indian mode.. *private joke!*
the girls were hilarious.. including Boy and Momo.. Boy and Momo seems to be in d same crazy frequency.. yeah la anak tak de so feeling single right.. till d next outing =)

June..d Many Birthdays..

-Insyirah
-Nana and
-Naufal....

Hmmm wat to get fer them..
Nana's settled.. Naufal more or less i have in mind wat to get for him.. left SYirah.. that cerewet maknenek... hmmmm

Batam trip sucks.. was so disappointed.. but we enjoyed each other's company.. though we would have enjoyed more if we were given the things we paid for..
sienz=(

Presents...

Momo is never good with pressies...
He's always like 'U buy first then claim from me ok..'..
So i 'warned' him early this yr.. i dun wanna buy and claim.. i wan him to buy..
be it bday presents or any other presents..
So yes it was different.. we had a walk at the nearest mall aha!..
We walked into a watch shop.. i wanted to c..d emporio i missed..
He asked d price for a nautica chrono..he said he liked it.. i said it was cool.. n it started..
Momo:'u said its cool.. n i like it so i shall get it for u..'
Aries:'hmm..but i don go diving.. and its really huge..let me consider..'
Momo:'No its either now or not.. quick..'
Aries:'I like d smaller one'
Momo:'ok done. ..somethin diff this time'
Aries:'yeah by threatening =('

After much hagglng..like maknenek... he got me or rather he got us.. d non diver nautica.. thks eh =) for d watch n d g bag..=) love love..

Susssheeeee!!

The buddy and I.. love having our monthly makan sessions.... we were so in need of one this wk... but our schedule just doesnt allow it.. with her classes clashing wif mine and vice versa..

n so.. we kinda did something that we were not suppose to.. but we did it anyway hahaha..

We were so craving for sushi and yeah that monthly makan session.. an hr of makan was enough! hahahah we did it chop chop!!

An hour of makan...an hr of updates.. gossip..chatchat abt d past..it was a great bonding session.. thk u buddy..

I know i dun thank u buddy enough.. d things that u do for me..thk u is never enough.. love u buddy!!

Pink!!

I just love pink on him hahah.. to date he only has two pink tops hahhaha..

maybe should consider pink for raya.. like d Ayah suggested..

Dinner on Thursday..

Was thinking about that someone who called me a alsterk.

When she said that straight in my face.. i was like 'wow hold on here..' yeah n so she said in a 'friendly' manner but i was taken aback..

What the hell did i do to get that calling from u?
Its frustrating.. coz i'm sure i didnt do that!

K n so ur direct.. but i dun think i deserve that calling.. coz like i said I"M SURE I DIDNT DO WAT A alsterk DOES!!

Tapi tak pe..

Lucky my Momo got his nite's off.. n so off to Teh Tarik for a bowl of mee pok with hot pipping soup.. yummey.. and his was minced chicken noodle.. double yummey..

Hope tomorrow brings me a better day =)

Ayubi and his milestones

My Ayubi is growing..being in d early childhood industry.. i tot i would be even more particular abt Bi's development.. but i was surprise that i'm not.. d Ayah is.. n so true to wat Tin said...haha... but just for the record.. since i'm starting to blog here again.. here's Bi's development milestones..



Developmental Milestones at 13mths



Social Emotional

• Not shy with strangers


• Cries when mother or father leaves


• Enjoys imitating people in his play


• Shows specific preferences for certain people and toys


• May be fearful in some situations (only when d Ayah gets angry)


• Prefers father and/or regular caregiver over all others


• Repeats sounds or gestures for attention


• Finger-feeds himself


• Extends arm or leg to help when being dressed

Movement

• Assumes hands-and-knees position


• Creeps on hands and knees


• Pulls self up to stand


• Walks holding on to furniture


• Can walk on his own


• Pulls toys behind her while walking


• Carries large toy or several toys while walking


• Stands on tiptoe


• Kicks a ball


• Climbs onto and down from furniture unassisted


• Walks up and down stairs holding on to support


• Scribbles spontaneously
  

Language

• Pays increasing attention to speech


• Responds to simple verbal requests


• Responds to "no"


• Uses simple gestures, such as shaking head for "no"


• Babbles with inflection


• Says "Ayah,mama, nenek, dada, ummi, gempa(grandpa), gemma(grandma), mimme(give me), meh (cat = meow), pu(lampu), lights, car, nak, pis(pls), ustaka(kamustaka'how r u' in tagalog), hmmm cant remember anymore for now =)


• Uses exclamations, such as "Oh-oh!"


• Tries to imitate words


• Recognizes names of familiar people, objects and body parts

Cognitive

• Explores objects in many different ways (shaking, banging, throwing, dropping)


• Finds hidden objects easily


• Looks at correct picture when the image is named


• Imitates gestures


• Begins to use objects correctly (drinking from cup, brushing hair, dialing phone, listening to receiver,kick the ball)

Ayah's and Ibu's Ayubi

Complications..

On Sunday.. an article in d Berita Minggu caught my eye..
d one about d lady giving birth and was bleeding nonstop after dat.. it reminded me of my birth story...

A yr and 2 months and a few days back..
..i started my maternity leave.. an advance one..so it was 27th March 07.. I missed my mornin check up so i turned up for the evening one...
..Adrian.. upon checking my cervix said that i have to be admitted that night..11pm..hahha
Told him if i can delay.. he said cant coz baby's big.. that made me panic a bit.. but was ok.. n so.. told Sen wat Adrian said.. went Nenek's(Sen's) house a while.. cant remember for wat.. went to the Shengshiong near Aisah's place and got cocnuts..drank it in d car while smsing my aunts mum dad n all about my updates.. was feeling excited n scared at the same time.. went home paced up n down.. pack my e-bag.. n rest.. Sen had his magrib n isyak prayers..tot of going to TMC straight from home..but Mak called n asked to come over n have fishball noodle soup..went over..due to d feeling that i had.. i hadnt been eating anythin ..so had a bit of fishball noodle soup.. made our way to TMC... stopped fer petrol n kitkat..n batteries.. n continued our journey.. parked d car n registered.. while Sen settle the stuffs..i was brought to the delivery ward.. was feeling worried n scared as my support wasnt there.. they put me on the CTG machine.. d midwife/nurse said baby's heartbeat was tacky..didn know wat it meant..Adrian came..checked my cervix and broke my waterbag.. a squirt of enema and before i could say anything i could feel everything comeing out.. rushed to d toilet ...saw trails of blood n d amniotic fluid..came back n was hooked on the CTG machine again.. it was after a while that i was asked to go to the delivery ward.. Sen came..time was about 11.45pm.. the midwives came n put drips n all those things on me.. no pain..still can relax..12am.. no pain..1am.. d contractions start to come slowly.. my cervix was only 2cm...145am.. d contractions start to come hard.. it was painful.. breathe heavily..like how Kak wirdi taught me to do..at every breath i read d surah mariam... with Sen holding my hand.. and reciting some doas for me to follow..used d gas but wanted to puke bcoz of the smell.. time seems to past pretty fast.. i dunno y.. 4am.. d irritating midwife cam and checked me..4cm dilated.. only 4???ah....asked for epidural.. was cryin in pain.. n dissappointment that it was only 4.. d aethe watever came.. he was nice...epidural was.. painless.. hahaha but i keep jerkin.. or rather shiver.. the side effect and Sen was laughing at me.. everytime a contraction or rather contractions came.. Sen had to massage my feet.. hahahah that made me feel better..6am ..7cm..730am.. d midwives.. said i was ready.. tried to push but i couldnt feel d contractions coming.. even when they reduced the epidural..8am Adrian came.. baby didnt wanna come out.. he tried d vacumm and then the forceps.. n baby was delivered at 823am...
i was.. speechless.. d feelings ...i jus cannot describe the feelings.. baby was cleaned up while i was sew down there.. Adrian took a long time n i could actually feel the needle!! ouch!!! finally the whole ordeal ended.. stayed a while in the delivery ward..was tired..after like about 30mins.. iw as wheeled to the ward..

i was ok.. feeling fine..but had no apetite.. cant eat..2 days later was discharged.. it was exciting..having a baby.. looking after him...n all.. i was discharged on wednesday.. on friday morning..i was bleeding blood clots.. n so the whole day i jus lay on d bed and rest..sleep all day long.. was ok in d evening...yantty came n visit..chitchat..gossiped n all..asked around on d blood clots n ppl said oh its the dirty blood thats clearing and its good... saturday i was fine too.. Sunday.. i bled again.. it was terrible..lots n lots of blood.. i fainted..everyone at home panic.. i felt terrible.. Nana called d ambulance..i was cold n shivery.. half concious but was aware of wats happening ard me.. refused to be sent to hosp.. but no choice.. d medics said i was losing lots of blood... reached A n E.. it was a bumpy ride.. d docs on duty fiddled me here and there...i was feeling very cold..two blankets and an additional warm one.. didnt help..was wheeled into the normal ward.. where a prof came and see me.. said that they suspected i had some placenta bits still in my womb and i had to have an op fast..3omins later ther wheeled me into d operating theatre.. i felt terrible.. didnt know if i would survive the op.. cried ..think of Ayubi.. Sen.. my great family.. my grandma,. my aunts..d people in the ops theatre was playing a song by Clay Aiken..soon.. i was unconcious..

..Woke up..heard ppl around me saying that my blood pressure was low.. was asked my name n ic no.. wheeled in d ward.. saw nenek.. nenek mon..auntie..bapak.. n my aunties.. i cried n they cried too..it was so sad..was too tired... so i slept after they left.. woke up n aisah came..but was too tired.. slept abit more.. after everyone left.. just sat wif sen n talked.. cried when he wanted to go home..i felt so..lost..scared..he just hugged me...told me its ok to cry..
i was angry..angry wif adrian..negligence on his part?? i was confused..three days later was discharged..Adrian.. not apologetic at all...i could have died..300grm of placenta in me.. i could have lost everythin and there's no word of sorry from him..nothing..will nvm..mayb he will get his desserts...

but for now.. syukur alhamdullilah i was saved.. i'm still alive.. i can still care for my baby.. my dearest hub...spend time wif my dearest family.. se d passing of my beloved grandma..

but i'm so sorry for Kak Julia's auntie.. d one who was in the article...only 30mins of happiness wif d newborn..n she bled ..organs failed n finally she left the world to see her maker..i was nearly in her position.. al fateha buatnya.. yg telah pergi..

Ayubi..our son...

Ayubi..growing..

Today i turned 27yrs..


Today is tion's anniversay..


Today is nenek's 99th days..


Today Misha is born...





Lots of things happen today..


My bday never fail to be accompanied by tears...


As i remembered my dear fren.. who left us on my bday itself..


I remembered his last words.. or rather his last email 'hey aries..i'm coming home... wait for me ya!'..


I emailed back 'yeah!! u're gonna be back at last..call me.. i'll be waiting..'


That call never came..y i didnt call.. coz u changed ur no..i waited waited..


Till that dreadful sms came..reading it once seems like a normal sms about condolences n stuffs...


Second time..d keywords were highlighted...excel...holland..third time i cant control my tears.. i was shaking..i kneeled coz i was weak like jelly.. i dunno if i was to cry .. was dumbfounded...


Called Nizam to confirm n he said yes... called Sen..cryin..suddenly all those words about jumpin.. leaving d world..came to mind...



It seems so surreal...



Few days later ur bro called n confirm everythin.. shed a bit of light on wat happened... she must have felt d worst..if i were in her shoes,... i wouldnt forgive myself..



al fateha buat Nasution Jumaat..dat dear fren of mine.. who apart from Sen.. kept me sane n footed to d ground..



mary.m msned ..its d day snip snip .... so she filled me in.. misha had to be delivered today at 1.. told her i wan to meet her b4 she gave birth.. but rushin to the pusara.. thomson n carousel.. seems a bit rushin n so told mirza.. would take a rain check.. n visit her at home when she's more relaxed n not tired anymore..



tears were flowin non stop on d way to pusara.. nenek's 99th days..who would have tot it was that fast... n soon nenek will be far away from us.. but always near to our hearts.. n always in our doas.. Sen did d usual recitations..shared wif me a bit abt cryin di pusara...Sen never fail to amaze me wif his knowledge of Islam..i know he's trying real hard to get me more involve inbeing agood muslim n all.. i m trying.. but i know not hard enough..i;m proud of Sen.. he's a diff man..from d time i know him.. got engaged.. being a husband .. n d man in d house,, he is so diff.. he changed.. for d better..syukur alhamdullilah...

well wat i wish for on my birthday?
insya allah to be a better muslim..

al fateha buat yg telah pergi.....

It's been a while...

I'm sick of jerks who lay hands on their wife...
I'm sick of jerks who clubs and drinks n their reasons r stress...
I'm sick of jerks who r so cheeky they squirm in their seats at the sight of women!
I'm sick of jerks who r so self centred they think only of themselves...


When all these happens.. i thank Allah SWT.. for all family..people and things i have around me...
____________________________________________________________________

It's d 3rd today.. 11 more days...

cant wait for my new purchse.. coming this sat!!

mayb i shall bake a cake for d girls for saturday nite..

hmmmm cant wait fer sat...

Nenek

Words can show how much we miss you..
Everytime i wanted to write an entry about u after that Monday..
I jus cant.. i kept closing the browser..went to bed and cried my hearts out..
Was supposed to finish my assignment..but pictures of u distracted me..
In d dark of d night..with tears dripping down.. i compiled ur pics..
SInce that Monday..i'd been crying myself to sleep...
Now whenever i look at ur ring.. d brooch my aunts and uncles agreed for me to keep..
Tears will just flow non stop..i have to start somewhere kan nenek..so i decide ..maybe now ..
Now is a good time.. i have to face it kan nenek..face it that u're no longer around..
No longer around to watch us all grow.. married..have kids... ur cicit..watch us all laugh..joke around..teasing one another..
You're there..dgnNya... we'll pray for u nenek... n you'll do the same for us kan..
D thought of not having u around whenever we go Cik Yah's house..it jus breaks me..
Yeah setiap pemergian..tentu ada sesalannya..
Sesal..y didnt i come on Sat..sesal y i didnt come again on Sunday evening..
But still ..nothing can take that sesal from me.. from all of us..
Tapi syukur kepadanya..that time i spent wif u..laying beside u..
Massaging ur right thigh..talking to u...even with tears my eyes.. it was worth it..jus u n me.. talkin..
But little did i expect it was to be last ...
The last for everything..
U left us all.. 715am..Monday 7 Jan 08..peacefully in Papa's arms..with Cik Yah by your side..
You're in a better place now nenek.. no more poking needles.. sucky nurses n doctors to bother u..u can have all d soup bontot and soup kaki u want..ur nearer kepadaNya..
Nenek we miss u..
Al fateha buat Hajah Zainon Bte Omar..my nenek tersayang..



Bunda
ku buka album birupenuh debu dan usangku pandangi semua gambar dirikecil bersih belum ternoda
pikirkupun melayangdahulu penuh kasihteringat semua cerita orangtentang riwayatku

reff#kata mereka diriku slalu dimanjakata mereka diriku slalu dtimang

nada nada yang indahslalu terurai darinyatangisan nakal dari bibirkutakkan jadi deritanya

tangan halus dan sucitlah mengangkat diri inijiwa raga dan seluruh hiduprela dia berikan

oh bunda ada dan tiadadirimu kan slalu ada di dalamhatiku ...

Dilemma of Ayubi's Ibu

A branded bag to reward meself??

Or a new stroller..diaper bag..an ergo carrier and a birthday celeb fer Ayubi

1 bag can get many many more items??

Hmmm dilemma dilemma...

Life is such..

On Thurs..Mama called.. said.. I've got bad news...

I was thinkin of d worst.. abt that unconcious woman her sons..

But wat i heard..was...she separated from her hub... n no its not that unconcious woman i'm talkin abt...

I was sad.. it made me sadder still when Mama added.. she don wan her kids and wans her mum (MM) to look after them.. i nearly cried... Mir and Ikh..they are still young!! they need u!!
the irony was that.. for class on wed.. we were told to choose a topic from child abuse...divorce..family violence and maid watevers..n i chose DIVORCE!! n this happens d next day...wat happen?? where did u guys went wrong? Wat led u astray?? I tot u left that 'habit' of urs?

I m sad.. this have to happen..jodoh di tangan tuhan kan.... *sigh*

And today...as i was about to leave the centre.. i received an sms..from mrsmereee...

dat sms..really stabbed my heart...i felt suffocated..

i canceled our plans for this wkend... lookin fwd to meet my sec sch chums..

to catch up on d latest news.. to chit chat.. to tease one another.. its not happenin...d weddin... hmmm its not materialising...i feeel so sad for her..when i got d sms..

i was think to myself.. mayb its another city..mayb its another nhaz.

.but reality hits me hard... i only know one city and nhaz who r together..

n r suppose to get married thiw wkend..auw shucks... mrsmereee called...

asked if we could do din... but was tired n we couldnt agree on d location so

she filled me in details on d phone.. i felt empty.. i felt sad..i felt like as if it

happened to me.. again rewind..that feelin..when A left.. empty..hurt..lost..

angry..sad all mixed together..

but..A was d past...it was jus a phase..

but u my dear..it was love.. engagement n..impending weddin...

all canceled..jus wks..

my dear i wish i could hug u and cry wif u..i was that ignorant.. n i m so so sorry...

take all d time u need.. baby steps.. we r here.. for u..

weekend was gd.. it was yan's weddin..i love d putu piring...n yes d bone steak n dat roti arab dini made.. yum yum...hungry again!!wif all d things that are happening ard me.. i feel so so blessed that i have my dearest hubby..who'll do d balancing act wif me.. who'll make me look things on his side rather then only on my side.... my sister..whom i can pour all my sorrows..happiness to my bitching partner n lastly my super active boy..who never fail to make me smile n laff no matter how dark n gloomy my day was..

oh boy! i've grown up have i!

*wipes wipes*

Angry!!

Somethin made me very angry today..
So angry that i feel like puking...
Fungkulo!!

SChool...

I start sch ..today!!
n i'm so tired....

7 yrs ago

7 yrs ago we met virtually..

Those midnite msns..midnite chats..overseas phonecall in d wee hrs..

Those lengthy emails..sent and replied..

Poems.. brought us together.. u were a sucker fer it.. n ur still are..

We were separated when ur comp. goes haywire...

U just started working at intel..

Working hrs were sucky..u were uncontactable..

D frequent emails..soon became rare..

U were so caught up wif work u forgot about me..

There i was.. jealous thinking of ur ex TV3 newscaster girlfriend..

Who hoped u guys could get together..who lived around ur vicinity.. while me?

Thousand miles away from you..thinking if our relationship would ever materialize..

It didnt..the last email u sent me was about..british shoes.. n british clothings.. about having leftover half spring chicken for buka and sahur..n that was it..though some ppl might find it boring.. i dont.. i like to read ur emails..ur short msns..

I was left hanging..U left me hanging...

Well who am i compared to those bigwigs right..

U disappeared.. n he came back...

He came and asked for a second chance.. i waited for u.. i tried to reach u but i jus cant..

After a few months.. i decided to take up the challenge and gave him a second chance..

After all..he was d one before u..

N so we were back together.. n u .. still missing..

I decided then.. to put u away.. in a box i called past..n embrace the present...

We were happy.. he decided not to take me fer granted ever again..

Months later..u beeped me..

U said u were at Continental..for a seminar n that u wanna c me..

I was unsure...after missing for a yrs plus.. u came back..

I had to decide...him or u..

It was a tough decision..but d present overcomes the past.. the present win hands down..

My decision.. was to leave u as my past.. n live on with my present....

I know u were someone then.. only u didnt wan to tell me.. u were that low profile..



7yrs later.. here i am.. watching G&G n saw u as the screenwriter..

A quick google.. there u were..a renown writer..scriptwriter..screenwriter..watever they call u..

Its nice to rake up the past once in a while..

Its nice to know ur there...

*smiles*

X

Rants..

I've so so much things to rant about..
But unfortunately..there's more work to do than to rant..

So shall let it rest first..

for now..these are what i have to do
-classroom
-PTC files
-cubbies
-shoeracks
-pictures
-books!
-prepare for sch

i need a getaway..after all this!

School?!?

I'm going to school again..
A yr break.. n next wk.. back to school..
I hope i can still take it..
From what Tin said.. its like.. full of research..
Insya allah.. wif all d support and encouragement..

School means ..less time wif Ayubi...
Only wkends..

Hmmmm really have to step it up!!

Earthbound

I was bloghopping.. as usual.. when i cam across this blog..

shall not mention names here..

i think for a while she was happy with her family..with the new car.. new career.. then sth must have happened.. that broke her family.. she n hub decide to split..

Reading her posts.. i could almost feel her pain.. tho i dunno her personally..

I think she was my junior but i dun remember bumping into her last time..

I dunno y.. when i read her posts..d memories of how i felt when i broke off with A flashed by.. of how sad..crazy..angry i was at that time...d look on Mama's face when she saw me wif those dreaded stiqs...

I felt low...really really low...we were even married to begin with...but still.. that emptiness feeling..that

N now... i felt low for her.. sad for her..i hope she stay strong.. though everytime its easy to say... but to be it.. it is very difficult..

I hope will all my heart that everything will go well for u =)...

Jalan Raya with d Fam...

Saturday was a day spent with family...

Nana had her very late jalanraya..

We kick start the day by visiting Ayubi's nenek n atuk ..my fil and step mil..@ Bt Panjang..

Auntie my step mil, cooked fried bee hoon, fried chicks and a fillipino hmmm dessert..banana wrapped in popiah skin and fried.. that was delish.. hmmm must remember to fry some later..chit chat..she shared wif Mama about Ayubi...watched a bit of fillipino entertainment show..(wonder if Ayubi will pick up tagalog..ahaks!) said our gdbyes and left fer pertapis halfway house.. to catch Insyirah in action...

But we were stucked in a traffic jam after Eng Neo and we missed Insyirah's performance.. she was so hmmm mentel in her ala mimpi manis blue kabaya.. so mentel.. saw my ex pr sch mate there.. Siti Suhana Salim wow i can remember her full name sia.. aha!

We then went to Mami's, Cik Yah's,Hambali's, Hambali's nenek and Cik Lala's...Ayubi lepak at Cik Lala's house..he was so dead beat that he didnt even wake up for his 5am milk feed.. my playful son...

Enough..

of those unhappy things...

let's move on to the happier things..

firstly i'm so so glad that my home is back as usual.. calm.. quiet.. peaceful..serene...

secondly...Ayubi's teething!! like finally! had been waiting and waiting to c that white sight! he's also taking few steps.. at 7 mths he can stand on his own while hanging on to something, he can sit upright, roll about, crawl, and jabbers!! d first jabbers i heard was 'nananananananana'.. my dear baby... i had u in my tummy for 10 months and the first word u can say is Nana?? ur Ummi's name?? n d next word i heard was dadadadadaddada.. ur uncle's name?? Dada was very excited when he heard that.. kept boasting to everyone that Ayubi can say his name hahahha...

thirdly... the outing with d xGmss was great!! we enjoyed ourselves..we kept reminiscing the times we had in sch.. d notty times... the good times.. d crazy times... n now no more GMSS.. such a pity!

fourthly.. cant wait for this saturday n sunday.. last kopek for jalan raya.. saturday with Mama to d inlaws..to Mami's n sunday... wif d gang of brothers!!

more pics in my multiply...

Orang Yg tak Sedar diri..

Either u're asleep all this while..
High on those pills..
Or maybe in denial..

6years ago..
U broke a company..

N now
U wanna break a family?

Not a chance..
Remember Allah is great?
May u get what u deserve

Even tho not in dunia
There's always akhirat..

Remind u again..
Allah is great!!

Some things...

Some things never change..
D time we have alone..
Talking...
Non stop.. we can go on forever..
I like it how u complete me..
In everything..
When we actually don in sec skool..

D Weekend

Oh well..first things first.. fetched Ayubi last evening n how i wish i could drive n not bother his ummi to drive me there..
Poor Nana! Had to take a break in d midst of studyin for her neverending exams to drive me there..

He has grown taller since d last time i saw him which was a few days ago..
Reach home, as usual.. spend some tummy time wif his Grandma n Ummi.
Was feedin him dinner, heard some shufflings outside d gate.
Though it was his Uncle Dada..but saw his Ayah..member apalagi so excited..kickin his legs in excitement..

Sen did his prayers..after that we took a ride to IMM to get Ayubi's play pen..won't wanna another accident to happen..so before it happen better to take precaution right?

Bought a cheep cheep one as Ayubi will only be using it for wkends..went back...set it up.. playtime with Ayubi while d Ayah dozed off to dreamland.. poor hub of mine.. reservist penat eh ehhehe....

D ehrrmmm first real fall...

Ayubi had his first real fall today.. d first one was @ his FIL's place....but he actually fell on a stack of pillows and blanket.. so ehm i don actually take that as his first fall.. ahahha

While this time..no pillows no nothing.. jus him and d cold floor.. d feeling was..URGHHHHH!!! but no point getting angry at anyone..dat moment was jus..'is he ok??' n after checking all's well.. d next thing was 'oh shot! wat would FIL say!!??!!' My FIL is VERY, i repeat VERY protective of his one and only grandson..well push that aside let my beloved husband answer his dad becoz he was d one at fault.. n the next thinking was..'SHUCKS today all d neneks coming, they will sure nag at me!!'...tak payah tunggu lama2 keluar bilik je.. Mama dah start bising..

M:'Dia jatuh kan (sambil carry the crying Ayubi) Mama dah cakap dah.. tak dengar.. go n buy a proper cot lar!'

Me: 'Oklah (still shocked n near to tears).

Mama nag nag nag nag.. i jus listened lor..

In d midst of Mama's naggings his ummi came out of her room..biasa la ummi Ayubi tu drama skit...

Wat happen was.. his cot was at FIL's place becoz they were afraid he would fall off d bed there so as we were busy this wk wif Sen doin d late shift n me wif i dunno wat hahah we didnt get a new cot in time for Ayubi when he came home on Fri. so we make do wif many many pillows, comforters.. on d bed and none on d floor.. *silly us*. Everything was fine on Saturday n it happen today.. this mornin.. i was still sleepy from d effects of d medicine..while Sen was still groggy after solat subuh.. he didnt realise his son had squeezed between d gap of the pillows and well.. d rest is history!! Iced his forehead..much to his annoyance.. rub rub wif ummi's hair..which i remembered last time when i was young, Nenek used to do that when i have bumps and buahluku wherever..he was up n active like normal.. like nothing happened... observed him for fever.. or vomitting..lethargic.. so far he's ok.. eatin well.sleeps like normal...Sen n i .. told each other that we would only confess what happen if FIL should ever asked.. n he didnt so we kept mump.. yes we were guilty as charged!! should have got him the cot!!! Just told Auntie to observe if he should develop a fever to call me as he might have caught it from me. due to d constant kissing ..huggings n lovealls...

Just called him a while ago.. n Auntie said that he had a nitemare n was crying badly but all was good after a bottle of milk..poor baby of mine.. make me feel even worse when i hear that.. i wish i don have to work n i can look after him all d time.. but *sigh* i cant..

Lesson learnt..

Put pillows and comforters on d floor too!!!

Lousy!

I really feel lousy..
With the nose that's fickle..
Sometimes running and sometimes blocked..
The head that keeps throbbing...
No matter how many pills i popped..

Hopefully i wont pass this to my baby when i fetch him later =(..

Ayubi..Sen n I..

Time pass real fast..soon Ayubi's gonna be 7mths..
it still feels like yesterday i had him in my tummy..wif him wriggling ard every now n then..
..giving birth to him...hahahha thats another story altogether..
yeah talking about that.. i've yet to pen down my birth story.. after what?? 7mths?? those memories wont fade away.. my first experience will always be in my mind...

Motherhood is fun..challenging ..tiring..but also exciting..
Sen was always there to support me..my aunts..my mum..Nana were all there to lend me a helpin hand whenever i need help..
Ayubi..he was an easy baby..rarely cry..only merengek a bit whenever he wants attention..or he's hungry..n now at 6mths plus..he's still an easy baby..friendly..smiles often..n not afraid of strangers hahah..he can follow anybody..whenever we go out.. mesti kena pinjam..

On working days, we will send him either on monday or tues to my step mil's house and fetch him on thurs or fri..and during his stay there we try to squeeze in time to visit him..play wif him..jus spend time wif him..yeah m not proud that we r wkend parents..but this is the arrangement we have to agree with for time being..insya allah till i finish studying.. n yes i am studying again!! hope i can manage.. get it done n over with...n then can think of the next step later..

N yes..we r still stayin at my parents' house.. for now lar.. till d investment plan matures..then we'll shift back...

I love my family..no matter watever happens..at the end of d day..they are still my family..

Meanwhile raya pics are up.@ariesseira.multiply.com.... =)

Our Life

I've always..think short term rather than long term.. n d results always make me upset with myself..

This ramadhan..things happen.. i get upset..sad..angry..disappointed..emotions run wild..n syukur kepadanya..Sen is always there to keep me sane..

cant wait for Humps to join us..

Just for...

Me!!!

• Fold clothes --->done!!
• Ambil baju fron Nenek Ju's house--->done!!tq de for running d errand!
• Wash and dry baju
• Put $$ in d envelopes --->done!! left d in laws, neneks n parents
• Plan Saturday's schedule
• Prepare Ayubi's clothes,bibs,clothes
• Sterilise Ayubi's bottles (All of them) --->done!
• Find Ayubi's dark snowie ---> found!!
• If got time take cabas from Long..
• Hang curtains ---> done!!
• Change bedsheets
• Sweep and mop and wangi2 --->done!! but need to buy more candles n air freshener

Dateline: TODAY!!!!

N so..

I've decided.. to blogspot again..
but darn.. i can retrieve my archives from ariesseira.blogspot.com..sien..
memories there..d rants.. d happy times.. my weddin moments.. all gone..
nvm.. memories are etched in my mind.. ferever..
n to start new journeys in life.. start with..

Our son...

AYUBI!!

So sepet right?? I am not sure where he get those eyes from hehe.. coz i dun think i am sepet ..Sen's not sepet too.. ah well.. maybe when he grows bigger..d sepetness will hilang..

He's 6mths now..still as fair..seems to get fairer and fairer as days goes by..looks more like me..though his features are his ayah's..Mama,Nana,Cik Ida said he looks like my FIL..i dunno..mayb so mayb not..mayb at times?? He's a real charmer..i can just sit and look at him doing his act.. and just do nothing..hahah ...

tsk..typed a whole list n suddenly it's gone..poof!???

After a while

Hadnt been writing..
Neither here nor multiply..
My vocab, grammar.. sentence construt..my tenses.. all haywire..
I would love to write again.. this time.. include Ayubi in my writings...
My darling..lovable son..
SOon..shall do all this soon..
Here is where i feel more comfortable ranting..d blogspot..

D day we shopped...

Hmmm hmmm
today Ayubiand me keluar kandang..
We went shopping @ Vivo!
Lucky Ayubi really lucky...
Jus like Uncle Dada...
Haven finish shoppin tho..
still have more stuffs to get..
For me!!!
For Yubi jus a diaper bag fer his neccesities and a grobag..for his kicking antics!!hehe

This is d yr i 4got...

...about u..
i was so caught up wif my own stuffs...
i wasnt well..i was still recovering from my op...
i even forgot dat it was my bday..mayb its time to move on...
though i still wish u were here.. wif us..wif me.. frens..and share d moments
that i go thru..
getting engaged..gettin married..giving birth.. d ups n downs in life...
i still miss ur 'menthol eh and rocher!'

and so a year ago

2IN1

Hey u..
Today is our day..
Guess how much i miss u..
Guess how much i had been thinking of u
Guess how much i talked about u..
Guess what i had been doing for d past 5 yrs..
5th year n still counting
The same old routine...
Tears b4 d joy of being a yr older..
Every Apr 14th..
U remind me.. d day my mum brought me to this world..
N d day u left us all..
So sad so sad
I miss u.. i always do..
I thought abt u.. i always do..Sen can vouch for dat..
I talked abt u..
N i'm always reminded of u..
One small marlboro menthols n rocher pls...
Is enuff.. for me from u..
No complains.. remember??
Al-fateha for u..
Till we meet..

@ d end of d rainbow..smiling @ me

And so after waiting with bated breath for 10months...our lil prince have arrived...

dos headaches

..@ work..
..in pain..
..my head's throbbing..
..it doesnt help that..
..i'm doin d 7 closing today..
..ouch...ouch..

My Heart

I jus wish i could hug u when u break d news to me..
can u believe it.. it's 10 years beb...
i remember when i broke d news to u yrs back that i;m gettin engaged n u turned to d x and asked "when u wanna marry me?" when i told u i'm gettin married u asked when's ur turn.. n now it finally came.. ur turn!! ur turn to be beautiful bride..d queen fer d day...

d times we had were jus priceless... we would 'mata mata' and take a cab down from bt panjang.. to bt batok n then to ghim moh... its ok to burn our pockets jus so that we get a few more minutes of sleep..

remember all those puppy loves.. that black n yellow hornet.. d cabut skool series and watch movie pagi2 buta jus to kill time.. loan my sis clothes to cabut coz u cant fit mine..those Miss Ann Miles crazy classes.. we were both always neck to neck wif d lang but u always did better than me..those quadrangle days where we had to stand in d hot sun.. only GummiBear n fren would come n sympathise with us..

Glen.. remember him?? hahah we dated him..secretly hahha u hid it from Badut n i hid it from u...crazy arent we...

.. 10 years n they jus passed like dat..
i cant wait.. come dec.. ur someone's Mrs..
..n its d start of a new book rite??remember??..'
..memories of yesteryears..d ups n downs we had..we fun n laughter.. those crazy nites..days @ sch.. i'll never forget them.. they are always....
in... My Heart...jus like d rest of d memories..wif d rest..

Hormones??

(Now) I Don Like
-perfumes (hafta use mild ones like bvlgari green tea or happy ones like clinique)
-cigarrete smells especially in my toilet (looks@ Nana)
-lotion (hafta change body lotion every month as i get sick one d smell n will puke when keep using the same one)
-all kinds of smell(be it BO, mouth or food smells.. make me wanna puke..now have to carry vapex wif me and a plastic bag if i were to puke...)
-long bus rides (will end up puking)
-rice (normal white rice.. d smell turns me off n a plate of white rice make my stomach churn)
-wearing skirts (i'm a trackpants and t shirt person now.. must be very comfortable if not i wont leave home)
-eating (when i am d type of person who ENJOYS food)

hmmm thats d list i have now...
pls i hope this is all jus a while coz its really very uncomfortable when i am this cerewet kinda person now.. its so not me.. so tiflun behave k in a few more months to come...

k sleeping time...

New happenings
..had been a while...
2 months done..finished my first prac and waitin fer d second..missin d kecoh girls @ skool.. will be meetin them soon in sept..
life's less busier now..
changes.. changes..changes...

we'll c u in april07 tiflun...
yes we will!!

Disappointments in life can b very disheartening

I miss d old 'us'.....
JB family late dinner trips wif us foolin ard in d car.. d 5 of us n Papa n Mama would jus look at us..happy that we are 'family'...but i guess it wasnt jus mean to b...one left..for years u were a part of d fam.. n when u left.. a part of us left wif u...

d new one came along..we kinda welcome it.. but it wasnt d same... it was awkward.. i dunno y i felt this way.. i guess its not fair.. i should have let d new show what he is capable of.. but i dun wan.. i wan d old one still...but we have to respect ppl right.. so i jus played dumb..

in me.. i still wan d old one.. d one who was a part of our life..

i guess sometimes .. its jus not meant to be...

sorry i jus have to let it out.. its eatin me inside..we're missing u fian...

Syukur

Syukur...
For d family who stood by me in all right or wrong decisions...
For d mama n papa who support me in all ways u could ever think of..
For d sister n brother whom always remind me that i have to share
For d man whom i have in my life.. fer keeping me sane.. everytime..

2 more months n i'm done...



errrrmmmm but 6 mths later may i??


Nana me n Sen hmmm sapa lar nak manage rumah eh...

Yeah not fergetting...

Syukur
Fer having a cute fren like Tin who never fails to cheer me up..
Fer having an annoyin sup.. Like NG..

Syukur ya Allah Syukur...

9Years

..this must be my fav phrase...
time pass really fast..
.. it had been 9 years.. 9 long years.. we hadnt met one another.. some of them came for d weddin while some were just gone.. like that.. it took that one soul.. that lemah lembut soul to gather all of us together n boy we had fun.. one more time pls...


sec skool had always been fun!!

D Tag

10 Favs..

Favourite Colour : Black..and maroon
Favourite Food : kuey tiaw goreng mama mata lembu..gerek!
Favourite Song : Any songs sung by my idol..Sen..
Favourite Movie : Young and Dangerous 1-10
Favourite Sport : rollerblading.. but slack already coz someone dun wanna replace my old blades..
Favourite Day of the Week : Wednesday! coz its midwk.. midwk always cheer me up.. coz i know wkends' coming!
Favourite Ice Cream Flavour : cinnamon ad chocolate
Favourite Car Model : Toyota Rav4
Favourite Subject in School :English during priamry sch Literature during sec skool n a's..
Favourite Snacks : wheat crackers dipped in hot cup of milo OR.. roti bakar wif margarine..(mana tak lagi gemuk eh!)



9 Current..

Current Mood : sien.. coz have to stay home..another burnt wkend..
Current Taste : Milo.. jus had a cup of milo with wheat crackers!!
Current Clothes : very VERY comfy green pullover..
Current Desktop : pink background.. pic of Dada n Syir in d car.. pretending to drive...
Current Toenail Colour : henna stained
Current Time : 825pm
Current Surroundings : in d bedroom.. wif Dada air con n tv blasting..
Current Annoyance(s) : itchy throat and that stupid phlegm that refuse to come out..
Current Thoughts : why does channel 5 have no other interesting shows... just reruns...



8 First(s)..
First Best Friend : Shahril Nizam from kindies... his Mama n my Mama r good frens so we r always together.. n last time his Mama n my Mama actually paired us up.. so called la.. me wif him n Nana wif the bro hahaha
First Crush :Yazid Kelana Salim.. during pri skool..our dads r frens but we don talk to one another anymore after an incident in skool....
First Movie : in a cinema? beethoven.. with my Cik Lala n Cik Akob Syasya Wawan n Nana
First Piercing : when i was 3..
First Lie : cant remember really.. but i know i lied when i told Mama i have remedial classes but only to come to sch early to help d makcik buang2 sampah clean the classrooms.
First Music : Papa n Mama n Ush's old retro songs that they always blast at Mak's house
First Car : Papa's Daihatsu when i was 6..ours? TJ ..
First Real Date Venue : hmmm East Coast .. during a sch gathering..hahaha



7 Last(s)

Last Drink : milo...
Last Car Ride : just now.. to Cik Tipah's bro's house to melawat..
Last Movie : X-men 3
Last Phone Call : hmmm Cik Ida d usual updates on my baby Syir
Last Song Played : Buttons by Pussycat dolls
Last Food Ate : sucky chicken chop @ Teh tarik..
Last Thing I do before I go to sleep : set alarm clock ..call sen if he's on nite shift.. said gd nite..sleep..



6 Have You Ever(s)

Have you ever dated one of your best friends : hmmm just going out rite.. yeah..
Have you ever broken the law : sch law yes!
Have you ever been arrested : hmmm was detained but not arrested.. bcoz naik motor that has modifications .. hmm heheh but not Sen's lar..
Have you ever skinned dipped : nope!
Have you ever been on TV : yes!mat yoyo.. joined d game wif uncle..
Have you ever kissed someone you didn't know : yes!! d cutie tods in my sch!!



5 Things You Are Wearing.

engagement ring
undies n
pullover
hmmm
hmmmm



4 Things You've Done Today...


went melawat..
lunch date wif sen..
listened to lecture from Sen
eat my meds..





3 Things You Can Hear Right Now ...

the tv
Mama telling Dada to stop saying that he's hungry coz he jus had his dinner and he's hungry again..
the aircon..



2 Things You Can't Live Without ...

Mokhsen
Zainal family



1 Thing You Do When You Are Bored ...

Sleep...



5 Beautiful Peeps to Carry On The Game :
LADYLEE
DADHA
SALINA
AISAH and
TINIBEAR

ok i'm done..

My Favourite n Most Loved Boy

It's his gettin older day today..n yet he's away at work while i jus got home from sch..work again tom.. so only sunday then..hapi bday..
many many loves

from me!

Still drowning

Dear Twinkz,
As much as i want to do your tag.. unfortunately i cant...
Currently i'm drowning in articles on breastfeeding..teething..childcare...
lps..evaluations.. assignments.. pracs..
n of coz i miss u guys.. dunno when we can meet.. my sats n suns r jus filled wif jemputans jemputans n more jemputans.. home home n more home..rest rest and more rest..

Love,
The tubby one

Suffocated
..i m drowning in piles n piles of papers!!..
..70plus plus of observations to fill in..assignments.. household chores..
..personal time.. arghhhh!!tired..now 10 mins to 1 n i'm doing laundry plus observations!!jus filling in .. by hand some more!!!..
..ng i'm drowning!! help!!

Love Hate Relationship

I have a love hate relationship with this person..
a gal to be exact..
mayb i'm jealous becoz she's younger than me
mayb bcoz she looks so much better than me..
has a great figure which i don have!!
who is cleverer than me..
who is a neat freak!!
who shops more than me...
who has a 6 door wardrobe(from the floor to d ceiling) full of nice nice clothes.. n plus her four drawers
who has a few racks of shoes!!!(every month beli kasut..not 1.. can be 3 per mth or more!!!)

but still.. i love her.. we do quarrel..we fight!!hmmm i think when we were young...
n whenever we quarrel ..guess who cries.. ME!!!! she'll jus buat bodoh..

this entry is so so so belated.. but i hope .... YOU LIKE IT BULU KAMBING!!!

Our Bulu Kambing Mine Mama's Papa's Dada's n Sen's
Happy 21st Birthday!!

Thirdly

..i dunno how u do it.. but u made me pissed at one point but at another u made me all warm n fuzzy inside.. thank u ah..

sometimes i wonder to myself.. how come u can stand all this nonsense from me but no one else?? best la.. ur alwways d best...


i had a hmmmm bonding time wif Dada d Golden Boy of d family.. who Papa calls 'My Boy'.. who's spoiled rotten.. whom i cant stand.. coz mayb we r SOOOOO alike... Sen says we are mirror image only that i'm d female n he's d male version.. n so we had a bonding session jus now.. n i jus realised that my Dada is growing up.. VERY WELL... n i teared when i saw d things he did jus now.. n i teared again when i was sharing this wif Nana n Mama...n nearly teared again when i shared wif Sen..i've been too busy minding other ppl's child that i fail to c Dada...pls don grow up too fast... ur still and will always be my kaki ayam...

emo again i know!

First and second

Firstly.. i would like to thank d gals.. for d celeb.. tho its a belated one.. its still great..thank u so much.. gals n of coz.. d guys lar..

secondly...
this wk gonna sux real bad.. n i'm already facing d heat... chix!

back to being and emo freak!

Its Thursday!

...by the time i get home today.. its gonna b friday..d Friday where someone's off.. but still i'm gonna b at work.. i'm still gonna have to go fer my class..while he will make himself busy wif d hmmm crooners?? so will i chill wif Syasya Suria Jo n Kris?? while someone croons till early morn??
Hmmm.. i shall b d good one this time.. i'll go home.. pack some stuffs.. wash.. clean.. n wait till he come home..yeay.. a great wk so far!

fly fly far away...

Graduation?

..coming??..guess soo...
n i'm gonna miss these ppl who made nite sch enjoyable..
tho some of them sux to d core..
d rest r great..
jus as i'm startin to njoy all this.. its gonna b back to square 1..


so far so gd.. things r great so far...

Pictorials




d week was great!!
Lets have another gd week!! i can feel it in my hip bone!!

Week

LETS MAKE IT A GD WK!


Thurs
Sasha Suria Kris Jo Glen Angel Alfred crazy shakira hips dont lie plain water wild wallabies friendly wallabies sweat plain water 7up carnaval ricky martin d jealous gf platform broken glasses taxi ride Nana home sister talk sleep

Fri
met Tin sweat work Shafiq's place cute Uu karaoke home Mak's house Ana KL home

Sat
Tin Camden Medical JP sweat home sleep BBQ home

SUn
Tin woodlands sweat work late lunch home sleep triple x chit chat sleep

Its a dog eat dog world

*We

sad again??
we were jus talkin abt u 2 days back n u called today..
m very sad to hear abt ur latest news..
its like a film playin in my mind..
blk315..
that thick piping lorry ride,
Am.. u endured all those.. n yet this have to happen..
we must meet.. we must..
i jus wanna hug you and wipe those tears away..
u were there when i needed u n i wan to b there for u..
whenever u need me..
or us but pls don shun us jus bcoz ur bog down wif all these..
u have us.. u do u know...
i don wan u to feel lost.. jus like last time..
no more lost moment pls..

those skipping thursday class..